Accepting the unacceptable as acceptable and even divine is hard. The muscles have grown stiff from clinging to the material and predictable for so long. I always seem to be walking with a wound. My test is to be fine with this. I know this. Grace and love will follow me as I go. But I’m tired of the rejection and pain. I don’t belong on this planet. It’s not so much that this planet is evil; it’s just that everyone around me is so committed to their delusion, and the delusion is so destructive.
I came to believe in the devil a year ago, because I saw it in myself. Now I believe in Christ because I saw it in myself too. I think I’m just here to bear witness on my cross. I’m so very tired. I was given great gifts of music, but no one wants to listen. I was given a great love of children, but mine were taken away. I was given a great mind, but the minds here are tasked for mindless ends.
Oh God. I pray to you. I know I am in you, and I know my eyes will open in your presence soon. I suffer in your name oh God. Deliver your people I pray. Deliver us from this evil world.