I used to be a very “troubled” person. From the time I was 15 until about 36 years old, I had a consistent “mental health problem.” In January of 2016, I found my answer, and it was the culmination of a good deal of study, practice, and opening up. I found my peace, and I think that others can find that same peace, although it might require losing something to gain it.
My peace came by letting go of a “perfect life” or “perfect health.” I had to let go of my expectations and truly accept what was happening in my life. I have not just “given up” if that’s what you are inferring. I am still striving for my goals, but when things don’t go as planned, it’s not really my fault, and I don’t beat myself up. The universe seems to be hard on purpose, and although I sometimes feel anxiety or anger, I am learning to have peace with this reality.
If you go to the gym, and you leave feeling sore, you don’t see that soreness as a failure. That was the whole point of going. Likewise, with your life, if you get beat up, that’s the point. This life is training or school for some higher place. We enter as little children, and through our struggle and adversity, we become spiritual adults. If you went to the gym and your trainer only put the tiniest weights on the machine, and you never broke a sweat, you’d want your money back. But when life makes us sweat, we cry that it’s totally unfair!
In modern society, we are obsessed with perfection, usually material perfection. We have created multi-billion dollar industries to give us the illusion of perfection on giant screens. But also, we seem to be constantly let down by that perfection. There is an everpresent juxtaposition of both the attempt at perfection and the revelation of human fallibility. It seems that the more “perfect” some person seems, the more jarring it is when they are revealed to be a human with flaws like everyone else.
I am not sure that everyone is capable of undergoing the spiritual evolution and rebirth that I did. To be honest, events in my life were so bad that I was forced to go deep and cut out parts of my psyche in a valiant attempt at regaining sanity. Being transgender confronted me with a ton of rejection, and so it was easy for me to cut out institutions and modes of thought that were outdated. They kicked me out, so I had to find new answers.
I could go through a “Top Ten Ways I Found Spiritual Fulfillment!!” clickbait style list, but I won’t here. The path that can be described is not the true path. Everyone has their own path for their own starting point on the giant spiral staircase of life. The one key that is utterly important is spiritual hunger. This is why Jesus said “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.” In other words, if you are hungry for spiritual philosophy, you will find your rebirth and see peace.
We all have to make basic assumptions about life and reality. Most of us in the Western world assume that life can be perfected here on Earth with enough technology and smart intellectuals telling us what to do. I’m not saying that technology and intellectuals are bad, but I do not assume that we can perfect this world. I believe that there is some chaotic constant that continually throws a wrench into whatever we’re doing so that we can be challenged. I see life, not as some playground for humanity but more of a boot camp for humanity before we graduate into the “real world” on the higher plane.
I am not exempt from this challenging force that I call the chaotic constant. Even though I have had certain experiences that have freed me from many of the anxieties and neuroses of my youth, I will continue to grow as long as I’m in this world. I’ve just found how to let go and be accepting of what happens. This required a LOT of training mostly in the form of meditation but also finding the right psychedelic medications. Meditation is the practice of ignoring your brain. You sit and your brain yells “Do What I Tell You!” and you ignore it. Slowly, that voice learns that you won’t be pushed around, and it calms down, but this takes time. Psychedelics show you perspectives that are hard to get in the everyday world so that you can check yourself.
May you find the small measure of peace that I have found in my heart. If you are interested in additional information in this respect, leave me a comment, and we can dialogue about it. I learn by teaching, so I would love to work with you.
To close, think about what you expect out of your life. Is it a realistic expectation? How does it make you feel if you think about not getting what you expect out of life? Does it trouble you? If you can handle “failing” in this life, you might just lose that persistent anxiety that walks around with you. If we love what we get instead of get angry about what we don’t get, we might live lives of gratitude instead of resentment, peace instead of self-loathing.