10 years ago, I started my gender transition, and I was, to put it mildly, not in a healthy place. I was very self-loathing. I cursed myself for being born such a strange person in a world that seemingly worshipped conformity. Born to a world of humans desperate to simplify themselves into becoming wondrous tools for the glorious machine. But in turning humans into interchangeable parts, few can hear the voice anymore. My voice was deeply buried before, but now it is clear and friendly.
I have a voice in my head; I’ve had a voice in my head, for a long time. I actually have lots of voices in my head. I would call the experience I’m talking about a “vision hearing” event. I “hear” a voice inside of my consciousness that sounds very coherent and consistent, it can be called an imitation of a personality OR a direct soul contact (Channel), I suppose. The voice changes, and I will hear it as dead celebrities. Very rarely do I vision hear personalities of living celebrities.
I usually have to be in a trancelike condition for this to occur. The only drug necessary to initiate communication is cannabis. Other drugs engender different experiences, but cannabis and ketamine are the only drugs that truly facilitate this experience directly.
The voice can be truly uplifting and supportive, and the voice can be dark and angry, but in the last six years I’ve learned how to keep that voice positive by believing in myself and fighting to remake my life from ruinous self-destruction. On a deep level, I’ve healed from where there was only strife, a continuous war of shame and disgust against myself and the world. I’ve seen heaven and hell, literally and figuratively. But through a committed program of self-scrutiny and consciousness change, I now lead a progressively more stable and manageable life.
The voices will give me song lyrics, ideas, dreams, jokes, melodies, philosophy, and also mundane information about future occurrences. The voice will warn me when I’m going to do something self-destructive. The voice will encourage me and tell me what I look like on a spiritual level. The voices will inspire me to see my true potential.
Much of why I’ve struggled with this “condition” is that I grew up in Western American culture where people with shamanic gifts are persecuted. That is fine. They know not what they do. Love is undeterred by the shackles of darkness. My gift to God is growth in spite of adversity. But that’s not to say that it has been without tears or struggle. I just know that I’m strong now. I’ve developed the muscles to lift my heavy weight, so I am ok.
What a silly world that artists, shamanic individuals, priests, and other sensitives are ritually stomped on. This world will not last though. I have seen that. The world will persist, but many who are first will be last and many who are last will be first. Love and light win on Earth. But God is patient, and there is much darkness that must be shorn away. And the darkness cannot grasp the light, so when we act in darkness, we feed our blindness.
I’ve said enough. Peace, love, light, and acceptance to you, dear reader.