Author: zeronom

What happened to me that might be relevant to now.

Hey druggies. In 2015, fall to be exact, I was knee-deep in DXM, totally riding the dissociative train to wherever-ville, which was actually Gresham, Oregon, the trailer park of Portlandia.

Soooo, I was taking a shit ton of DXM, and I had a voice speak to me in the grandest of tones, saying “god wants to speak to you!” I was flabbergasted to say the least. I was doing the dishes for christ’s sake. I might have been microdosing and macrodosing dissociatives for days, who knows. Anways, they told me this.

“You are the god of Jupiter!”

It was, my Jupiter return, astrologically, so I guess this made sense. I was extremely confused. But I persisted. I listened to Jupiter, and then he gave me this ultra-sage advice:

Hahahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. Haaaaahaaaa.

I really didn’t know what to make of it. Here I was with all of my serious problems. I’m transgender. I have fibromyalgia. My kids were taken by my ex-wife and kept from me because I’m “dangerous.” I had deep, deep despair. I felt like I was less than trash.

But it kept laughing. Hahaha.

I could see the big bastard laughing at me. Ol’ Zeus. You know that Jupiter means “sky father,” and Zeus, Jupiter, and Dyaus Pater (the Indian Zeus) are all the same thing and basically mean “Sky Daddy?”

He kept laughing. It was getting to be annoying.

Why are you laughing at my problems?! That’s not helping!!

Hahaha

Then it hit me. It might have hit me months later, but I’m truncating here for brevity. Laughter is the key. Jupiter is so big that he is larger than everything. Why worry about the worries of the ants? Now I just laugh. I realized that laughing like a crazy person at the insanity of life is actually prohibited. Can you believe it?! You are not allowed to cackle unrestrainedly at the absurdity of life without being put in a facility!


Father sky says laugh.
😛

Deep lessons learned through loss, the Reader’s Digest version.

I think one of the best lessons I’ve learned while living in hardship is that you can always see the stars. You can always see the heavens, even when you are trapped in the mud or the gutter. You can feel real divinity and happiness and joy no matter how poor you are. You can feel peace no matter how many walls exist in front of you. Usually, we do that through our profession. We reach for the stars and find inner purpose in life through small tasks of seemingly benign averageness. I reach because I need to. I’ve survived so much deprivation. So, I have been broken down by grief. And now, I feel liberated. And so I reach. And I feel another hand reaching down.

Fear and Loathing in Outer Space!-An Astrological Essay for our Crazy Times

Hey folks, if you’re feeling a lot of fear and dread right now, at least astrologically, there is an explanation. There is an event that hasn’t happened in the sky for almost 4,000 years. Pluto, Saturn, and Jupiter are all in the same part of the sky, in the sign of Capricorn. Pluto is the planet of death and rebirth. Saturn is the planet of fear and karma. Jupiter is joyous and lucky but it also IS AN AMPLIFIER AND MAKES EVERYTHING BIGGER!

So you have two seriously dour and gloomy planets, Saturn and Pluto, in Capricorn the sign of rules, patriarchy, tradition, and hard work. Pluto entered Capricorn in 2008, right when the financial meltdown happened and it’s been upending traditional power structures ever since. Pluto exposes the dark side of a sign, and anyone with a brain can see the dark side of traditional power structures since 2008. Saturn loves Capricorn, and it’s trying to clean up some of the messes caused by Pluto. They will conjunct only one time, next Saturday the 11th in the US. The last time they touched was in 1982, when there was a serious recession and the religious right was just getting started in the US.

Jupiter just got into Capricorn and won’t join the party with Saturn and Pluto until later this year. But they will all be very close to one another all year. Depending on your own personal chart these planets (yes, I know Pluto is a dwarf planet, but we just use the word planet for every major body in astrology) will affect your life in probably dramatic ways. For me, they are passing through my 3rd house, the house of communication, vehicles, siblings, and roommates. My car broke down and I created a mess with my roommates this last month that I’ve had to repair. Depending on what challenges you are facing right now, do it the right way and accept hard reality and you’ll be ok.

Jupiter will come along and probably soften some of the harshness later in the year, but then Mars comes into the party! This is really just insanity. All of the crazy shit going on in the US and other countries right now is all predicted by the astrology. We’ve been watching this unfold like “yep, there’s all the dudes in power acting shitty. There’s the crazy anxiety and panic.” And I know it’s really heavy right now. Like I said, this hasn’t happened for 4,000 years and when it did last the city of Babylon was founded in modern day Iraq, pretty much starting civilisation as we know it.

Don’t despair! It’s definitely a serious time, and IT WON’T LAST FOREVER! It’s ok. It’s going to pass. And after these planets pass through Capricorn, they move into Aquarius, the sign of egalitarianism, fraternity, technology, and progressive ideas. This is a really good time to build foundations for the future. I know it’s en vogue to say “We’re all gonna die soon; nothing matters!” But life is quite variable and can change very quickly. We’ll make it through together. This year definitely is going to be a shit show, but do you know what is ALWAYS a shit show? Radical change. And it’s coming. The dinosaurs ain’t gonna win. If only under 40 voters voted in the US, Bernie Sanders would already be president. The young people know that what we have is broken. And there’s a weird thing about old people that are resistant to change, they tend to die.

Next Friday is a lunar eclipse on the day before Saturn and Pluto conjunct, and it is exactly opposite Saturn, Pluto, the Sun, and Mercury! It’s insanity. And the moon is in its favorite sign Cancer! The technical way to describe it is: shit is going to be bonkers!

Astrology is definitely not an exact science. It’s more like poetry, but to me it works, and sometimes it REALLY works. Stay strong. Be serious. Work hard. And forgive yourself if you’re struggling. We all are.

As a last point, the United States was founded when Pluto was in pretty much the same spot. It takes almost 250 years to go around the sun! And what did the United States along with the co-occuring French Revolution represent at the time? A radical overthrow of old systems of power, i.e. Monarchy. This is a big time to be alive. It’s gonna be rough, but it can be a great time to grow. Stay grounded my loves. Think like a goat, the animal that represents Capricorn, and just keep climbing that mountain one step at a time.

You Can’t Cosplay Revolution

The United States has no revolutionary left because it has spent the last 100 years attacking the left and supporting right wing governments all over the world. The CIA and military seem to love violent overthrow of left-wing governments. And here in the US, the people are pacified with phony empowerment. The only empowerment you need is a true understanding that the government needs to be overthrown because we are de facto slaves with zero power and no hope of change. And if anyone says that’s treason, then just look at the money in your pocket. Almost all of those men were involved in the treasonous overthrow of their government.

If you can’t talk about revolution, you’re not empowered. If you are a slave but you get to drink and have sex in your off time, you’re still a slave. You can’t be empowered in a system that demeans, dehumanizes, and disempowers you on a daily basis. We are worse than slaves in the US because we think we are kings and queens. Kings and queens that live paycheck to paycheck and have to kiss the ring of your boss to get your scraps for the day. It is pure sadness. The next recession is going to be bad because the opiates of the masses are getting thin and the capital holders are moving their factories to Asia for cheaper wages. They will abandon the US soon.

Life in the US is a whole new kind of powerlessness. Trash media. Propaganda news. Flat wages. Obscene healthcare costs. Fake food. We have the “opioid epidemic” which is really just millions of people trying to deal with a system that eviscerates real communal bonds for a quick buck, leaving people traumatized and hopeless. People don’t just become junkies because Everything is Great! The problem is our system of labor exploitation and fascist police structure which keeps the people at bay.

They’ll say “capitalism is the best system, save all others,” but that is a lie. Socialism works in many places. In other places, it has been violently suppressed. We have to say “I support the overthrow of the United States government because it is beyond redemption, built on slavery, and intent on the wage enslavement of its citizens.”

I think this is the best approach. Of course I might be targeted just like so many martyrs before me. But being able to risk your life is a basic necessity of fighting for freedom. If you are still afraid of death, you cannot win against power this strong. To quote Robert Anton Wilson “the fear of death is the beginning of slavery.” The US is terrified of are unafraid of dying because it can’t throw all of its weapons of mass distraction at them.

Anyways, this is what I have to say. Fuck the god damned USA.

Curves

zeronom

There are some, whose fates are straight as arrows flying
never turning, lonely plodding
and their speed is marked in stolid stone
Then those others there are whom I know
whose gods having made their paths like serpents curved
arranged in strange caduceuses glowing
Thundered

GO!
Bathe the fires in your heart
ride the elements within your subtle knowing
be the beast your karma has been sowing
gaily like a dragon skip
to the ruined Albion beneath your pallid skin
raise some rusted sword you find discarded
for in your Adam, even Eve is lovely kissed

Some are straight, it’s true
but we’ve been blessed with all these curves
for after trudging up the lows and down the highs
we the free gave up and learned to fly

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Truth! Love! Grace! Peace…

So many lies. Drowning in lies. Gaslight nation. The only way to live in this deluge of mendacity is to find your truth and walk that truth forward. Making enemies in the service of truth is honor. Just ask yourself: what would America be without slavery, without indigenous land theft, without Jim Crow, without mass incarceration, without a few million dead Iraqis, Vietnamese, Afghanis? Can we speak these truths that are self-evident to the highest power?

I think the house of cards crumbles if you remove that stolen fuel. And what are we doing with that stolen wealth? Squandering it with navel-gazing, hedonistic decadence. You can’t get high forever. Eventually the party is over. I’m lucky because I lost everything. This country made me into a pariah. I could not have my inner freedom without outer suffering. Through torture I have been saved. And not saved like Joel Osteen saying that I’m saved on national TV. That’s just cosplay saved.

Listen to the suffering of others and you will see the mother of all love, the goddess of all compassion. Then you will be saved because you have deep compassion for yourself. Laugh at the seriosity of America. This is not the only way to run a country. I know it gets beaten into our heads from age 2 that we are the most advanced form of government in the world. Do we even want to be advanced? Where is the love? Where is the community? Where is the outrage that our family members are sleeping in the freezing cold on concrete? Your heart will tell you the truth of that situation if you listen.

Truth requires love and love requires truth. I have every reason plus twenty to have hate in my heart, but I just wanted to destroy myself when I harbored hate in my heart. I just gave it up. What Christians call the holy spirit came down and said “you’ll never know if you’re going to survive, you’ll always feel pain, you’ll suffer, but I’ll be there with you.” And so something stopped in me. I believe in Christ but I’m not a Christian. Turn the other cheek on the inside. Let them win. For in losing, you gain a peace that surpasses all understanding. They gain some green paper. You gain your soul.

🎄The Root Cause of Brexit in Christmas colors that will destroy your eyes🎄

Election destroys Labor Party?
Brexit destroys Conservative party?

Trust me as an astrologer, the whole disintegration of modern power will not be complete until 2025 for various reasons.

But let go of your ideas of safety if you want to have peace I say as a sane individual.

Our cultural clashes are due to the increase in the ability to travel at fast speeds. This has precipitated the sharing of once geography-bound cultures to all parts of the globe and the mass standardization of culture as business professionals live ALL over the globe at once. Therefore, brands that cater to ubiquity gain in market share as they are convenient to the global mobile class. It is a filter down from the ruling class and bourgeoisie who work from a more global, generic culture that is heavily informed from the cultural center which is at present New York City. This upper class in the capitalistic, neoliberal environment has disproportionate power over the individual culture because of computer based industrialization.

This is reality.

Mercury Retrograde

Mercury retrograde is really just about auditing your thinking. Some part of your mind looks backward for 6 weeks at what it has wrought. Your brain is in an “updating” phase, downloading updates for itself, doing maintenance. So we are all a little distracted. We share some non-local, subconscious collective process that moves like fish in a school. It’s the wave world, not the particle world. And that part of us that moves with that herd, is backward-looking. Then when Mercury retrograde ends, like today, we can go forward fully facing the future, with a new version of your mental operating system.

What is a Proper Life? [My Sunday Sermon for 11.17.19]

The origin of my suffering was the pursuit of a life without pain. Acceptance of the element of chaos within every moment of my life taught me that I cannot build castles and towers of Babel to remove myself from pain. Pain is my teacher and should be befriended and listened to so that I might grow. A modest life in tune with nature seems to me to be the path or way. A life of poverty has been instructive to me.

One might ask “how do you know what is modest?” If you are not lying to get wealth through manipulation or directly stealing wealth, then you can do as much with your time as possible to build defenses against calamity. Unfortunately, our American lives are built on stolen wealth, and that wealth should be returned so that our lives are closer to Earth and closer to pain.

Our cultural notion that a “primitive” life, close to the Earth is a miserable existence is so baked into our collective consciousness here in the West that we cannot imagine a simple, anarchic existence of living in tune with nature. The very influential philosopher Thomas Hobbes described the primitive existence of humans as “nasty, brutish, and short.” And yet, now we have constructed lives that are nasty, mind-numbing, and longer.

Within our beings is a plant called wisdom. In order for that plant to grow, it needs to be watered by the tears of pain and lighted by the sunlight of humility or it will never mature. This is the present that we find ourselves in, a present without wisdom because we have vanquished pain and eschewed humility.

This life exists so that we might grow from children into adults. There is a seriousness that needs to be achieved in order to live a fulfilled life. That is my experience. Seriousness saved my life. Life need not be serious all the time of course, but until one can look life starkly in the face and have true acceptance for one’s part in what’s gone wrong and be able to make changes to correct the situation, you are not there. You can live without wisdom, but you will miss the point entirely and probably will need to distract yourself with shiny things until you die, unfulfilled.

Thoughts on the Cult of White Supremacy in the United States

The Cult of White Supremacy in the US
My realization that I was what society calls transgender was really a self-rediscovery. People like to say that things about ourselves can be hidden or buried, but often, they can be right in front of our noses, and we just get very, very good at self-denial and self-delusion because the acknowledgment of the thing is too painful or scary.

I discovered that I was born a feminine boy and then around age 5, I learned to be something that I was not, and it slowly killed me until my 30s when I gave up the false notion of myself. My mind was blown by the fact that I had completely forgotten something about myself out of fear of being ostracized.

Now, as I ponder the American problem, I see something right in front of my face that I now can’t unsee. White America tends to tell fairy tales about how happy and fulfilled they are, but if you are sensitive enough, you can see behind the masks of the average American to see how contrived and false this happy facade really is.

In cults, there is a strong tendency in the members to project a vision of perfection. I once read Kate Bornstein’s biography about being a member of the Scientology Sea Org as a repressed transwoman, and she said that everyone always let everyone else know how perfect and happy they were because anything less would be a personal failure. When a cult has stripped you of all of your other attachments in life, humans find themselves lying to not lose favor with the only attachment they have left, the cult itself.

I see this in American white culture. It’s true that some brown people have been integrated into the white power structure, but caucasian and Christian people are the primary administrators of American culture and standards of behavior to this day. And whiteness appears to be a cult.

Most white people are obsessed with projecting an image of perfect self-satisfaction and competence. But this is a passively aggressive lie meant to denigrate whomever you are talking to. White culture is the cult of dominating others. When your God is money and power, showering another person with all of your “successes” is a dominating act of aggression. The fact that no member of this cult wants to admit is that these “successes” are arbitrarily chosen. They work very hard creating models and theories to “prove” that the values of the cult of white supremacy are necessary and essential. When someone totally ignores these values and lives their life in a way counter to these values, a strong feeling of resentment builds up in the white cult member.

Now, for example, when a black man or woman doesn’t do this contrived activity of smiling and projecting utterly saccharine chipperness, they are labeled as angry. This is because the white cult member is threatened by this lack of participation. The black person is subliminally saying to the white cult member, in the cult member’s head, that the cult member is full of shit. Just by having a neutral facial expression, the black person is a threat to the white cult member. Denial needs to be fed constantly to overcome the everpresent thing trying to be denied, and anyone who challenges the basic tenets of the cult of white supremacy needs to either be silenced or explained away as insane.

What do you think?

Cats | Glow

The propaganda increases
it gets to SHOUTING
and us as mice
just deftly eating
thinking why?
are BIG CATS SHOUTING!
they’re all fat
and boastfully grooming
us the mice
are deftly eating
thinking
why?
are BIG CATS SHOUTING!?
we’re just mice
alone and feeding
just to live
to see the show
so we, the mice
just munch and go

where are the kitties?
please let it go…
this masculinity
bores the show
we are but gods
because cats know
for they have picked us
because we glow 

Illegal

be the illegal you
the one they say you shouldn’t do
see through the rigged and rugged ruse
the crayon box ain’t got your hue
be the illegal you

you’re not a billionaire’s project
you’re not disadvantaged
you’re not small

some Scrooge McDuck
with all his “luck”
has stolen your love
and blamed your color, your gender, your partner
saying “isn’t it so sad, what happened to you”
“here’s a scrap to tide you through”

But, I am the illegal me
the dress-wearing, limp-wristed, faggot tree
that never stopped growing
and now I see
above the jungle
proudly free

I AM the illegal me
let loose by perfect poverty
the losses showed me how to see
come join me here
I’ll share my key

with you