Category: Spirituality

Those who speak do not know, but here’s a few words that might point the way

The key to happiness is to recognize where the river of your fate and try and align with it. If you’re in a raft and the river turns left but you just really wanna go right, you’re gonna hit a bank. Stay in the water, follow the stream. How you do that? It’s complicated, but don’t think reality can really fit in your head. We just have elaborate conceptual maps of reality in our head. But out there, in the wilderness, is the real real. And it is alive and trying to contact you. There is intelligent love in the universe, and you have a receiver for its communications called your brain and spinal cord.

It’s way better than Netflix or video games. It’s called the logos, the word, daimon, guide, etc. It has the answers to your questions, but it won’t tell you everything. It will tell you just enough to light the river in front of you. It is your lamp, but it is only a lamp. The idea that spirit will totally make you manifest everything you want is specious. It will give you crumbs, your daily bread.

The great all or God or Brahman or Allah cannot fit in your brain. Your brain is a God dissecting device. God is the totality, and every word is a dissection of that. Like the tao, it cannot be spoken. Words divide and section things apart. God can only be felt by the heart of the mystic, expressed in a joyous smile, or felt in the in the twirl of a sufi dancer spinning to experience rapture.

God cannot be communicated. The Tao Te Ching says “those who know do not speak, and those who speak do not know.” Our network cables called language cannot handle the infinite bandwidth of the totality which cannot be named. The teacher can only point at the moon, he cannot give you the moon. So I think it’s best to end this post with a big fat nothing, called…

How Privilege Makes White People Immature and Helpless

We often talk about “white privilege” and it tends to be discussed in terms of having stuff. “That person has white privilege,” we say. “That other person has male privilege.” But what does that mean?

To me, privilege is not a positive but a negative, or a lack of something. When one has white privilege they have freedom from something. They have freedom from trauma, pain, hardship, toil, etc. When one is protected from the mandatory hardships of life for which one has evolved to deal with, they become puerile and childlike. Their skin becomes thin. They cannot handle the smallest slight. They are weak and become dependent on protection from the necessary traumas of life. This is why those white men carry those rifles around, because they are weak and terrified of having to deal with life naked and undefended.

But what is the converse of privilege? I would assert that it is a surplus of hardship and challenge. It is a excess of the onslaught of reality with its slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. This tends to make one’s skin thicker and makes one tougher.

And so, if you want to be honest, whiteness has become synonymous with weakness, and thus the entire apparatus of the state becomes necessary to maintain protection from the normal, average trials which befall any person living on this planet.

White culture and the western nation-state steals the defenses and padding of the brown people of this world and wraps it around the light-skinned people it protects. If you start to think of white people as immature and childlike, you can quickly see and hear it when you look at and listen to them.

As I’ve transitioned from being a white male to a white transwoman, I’ve had to experience a rude awakening of what it’s really like to live without that stolen armor. This rude awakening, that I sought to put off for as long as possible by posing as a straight white male, hit my weak, thin-skinned ass with a vengeance, and I was paralyzed at first.

But my skin grew. My toughness increased. Now, I can’t say that I know what it’s like to be black, but I know what it’s like to be targeted for who I am from as soon as I entered elementary school. I know what it’s like for others to hate things in you that you are not even aware of yet. And I know what it’s like to lose a significant amount of privilege.

And yet, don’t be afraid of losing privilege. Living in the false world of stolen armor is not real, and it stunts development in many ways. The transition to a normal amount of privilege can be shocking at first, but then you realize your inner strength, and you begin to realize that life is not about hiding behind wealth and privilege. Life is about meeting life on life’s bare terms.

To quote a brown-skinned Judean named Jesus, “if you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor.” I interpret this as if you want to really grow, you need to cast your privilege aside.

And also, Krishna of the Hindu pantheon said to privileged Arjuna in the Baghavad Gita: “yield not to weakness; it does not suit you. Throw away this faint-heartedness.” Meaning that one must meet life without fear and without protection and cowardice.

Only through letting go of privilege can one really be alive. Words will not make one alive. One cannot say “I understand that I am privileged,” and expect the situation to resolve itself. One should give up one’s privilege. This is the only path of truth. Change the system from within by giving up your pilfered wealth that was likely funneled through the generations from slave-created surplus. You will survive, and you will be a real human, not a child in a shell.

The problem we face today is not a black problem. The problem is a white problem. Until we recognize our theft, our appropriation of defenses, our heinous usage of black bodies as human shields against the hurricane of nature, we will not grow, and we will not be mature. We will be on average, pathetic sprouts, unable to grow into the trees we were born to be.

Personally, my life is so much richer after I gave up most of my male privilege. It is immeasurably harder, but it is more vital and real. And I ask that you do the same. I can’t change my skin color. I am stuck being white. So the only way for me to reduce my so-called white privilege is to dismantle the institutions that value whiteness over blackness. This takes work. This takes sacrifice. But I assure you that it will be worth it both for black people and for white people.

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Deep lessons learned through loss, the Reader’s Digest version.

I think one of the best lessons I’ve learned while living in hardship is that you can always see the stars. You can always see the heavens, even when you are trapped in the mud or the gutter. You can feel real divinity and happiness and joy no matter how poor you are. You can feel peace no matter how many walls exist in front of you. Usually, we do that through our profession. We reach for the stars and find inner purpose in life through small tasks of seemingly benign averageness. I reach because I need to. I’ve survived so much deprivation. So, I have been broken down by grief. And now, I feel liberated. And so I reach. And I feel another hand reaching down.

Fear and Loathing in Outer Space!-An Astrological Essay for our Crazy Times

Hey folks, if you’re feeling a lot of fear and dread right now, at least astrologically, there is an explanation. There is an event that hasn’t happened in the sky for almost 4,000 years. Pluto, Saturn, and Jupiter are all in the same part of the sky, in the sign of Capricorn. Pluto is the planet of death and rebirth. Saturn is the planet of fear and karma. Jupiter is joyous and lucky but it also IS AN AMPLIFIER AND MAKES EVERYTHING BIGGER!

So you have two seriously dour and gloomy planets, Saturn and Pluto, in Capricorn the sign of rules, patriarchy, tradition, and hard work. Pluto entered Capricorn in 2008, right when the financial meltdown happened and it’s been upending traditional power structures ever since. Pluto exposes the dark side of a sign, and anyone with a brain can see the dark side of traditional power structures since 2008. Saturn loves Capricorn, and it’s trying to clean up some of the messes caused by Pluto. They will conjunct only one time, next Saturday the 11th in the US. The last time they touched was in 1982, when there was a serious recession and the religious right was just getting started in the US.

Jupiter just got into Capricorn and won’t join the party with Saturn and Pluto until later this year. But they will all be very close to one another all year. Depending on your own personal chart these planets (yes, I know Pluto is a dwarf planet, but we just use the word planet for every major body in astrology) will affect your life in probably dramatic ways. For me, they are passing through my 3rd house, the house of communication, vehicles, siblings, and roommates. My car broke down and I created a mess with my roommates this last month that I’ve had to repair. Depending on what challenges you are facing right now, do it the right way and accept hard reality and you’ll be ok.

Jupiter will come along and probably soften some of the harshness later in the year, but then Mars comes into the party! This is really just insanity. All of the crazy shit going on in the US and other countries right now is all predicted by the astrology. We’ve been watching this unfold like “yep, there’s all the dudes in power acting shitty. There’s the crazy anxiety and panic.” And I know it’s really heavy right now. Like I said, this hasn’t happened for 4,000 years and when it did last the city of Babylon was founded in modern day Iraq, pretty much starting civilisation as we know it.

Don’t despair! It’s definitely a serious time, and IT WON’T LAST FOREVER! It’s ok. It’s going to pass. And after these planets pass through Capricorn, they move into Aquarius, the sign of egalitarianism, fraternity, technology, and progressive ideas. This is a really good time to build foundations for the future. I know it’s en vogue to say “We’re all gonna die soon; nothing matters!” But life is quite variable and can change very quickly. We’ll make it through together. This year definitely is going to be a shit show, but do you know what is ALWAYS a shit show? Radical change. And it’s coming. The dinosaurs ain’t gonna win. If only under 40 voters voted in the US, Bernie Sanders would already be president. The young people know that what we have is broken. And there’s a weird thing about old people that are resistant to change, they tend to die.

Next Friday is a lunar eclipse on the day before Saturn and Pluto conjunct, and it is exactly opposite Saturn, Pluto, the Sun, and Mercury! It’s insanity. And the moon is in its favorite sign Cancer! The technical way to describe it is: shit is going to be bonkers!

Astrology is definitely not an exact science. It’s more like poetry, but to me it works, and sometimes it REALLY works. Stay strong. Be serious. Work hard. And forgive yourself if you’re struggling. We all are.

As a last point, the United States was founded when Pluto was in pretty much the same spot. It takes almost 250 years to go around the sun! And what did the United States along with the co-occuring French Revolution represent at the time? A radical overthrow of old systems of power, i.e. Monarchy. This is a big time to be alive. It’s gonna be rough, but it can be a great time to grow. Stay grounded my loves. Think like a goat, the animal that represents Capricorn, and just keep climbing that mountain one step at a time.

Truth! Love! Grace! Peace…

So many lies. Drowning in lies. Gaslight nation. The only way to live in this deluge of mendacity is to find your truth and walk that truth forward. Making enemies in the service of truth is honor. Just ask yourself: what would America be without slavery, without indigenous land theft, without Jim Crow, without mass incarceration, without a few million dead Iraqis, Vietnamese, Afghanis? Can we speak these truths that are self-evident to the highest power?

I think the house of cards crumbles if you remove that stolen fuel. And what are we doing with that stolen wealth? Squandering it with navel-gazing, hedonistic decadence. You can’t get high forever. Eventually the party is over. I’m lucky because I lost everything. This country made me into a pariah. I could not have my inner freedom without outer suffering. Through torture I have been saved. And not saved like Joel Osteen saying that I’m saved on national TV. That’s just cosplay saved.

Listen to the suffering of others and you will see the mother of all love, the goddess of all compassion. Then you will be saved because you have deep compassion for yourself. Laugh at the seriosity of America. This is not the only way to run a country. I know it gets beaten into our heads from age 2 that we are the most advanced form of government in the world. Do we even want to be advanced? Where is the love? Where is the community? Where is the outrage that our family members are sleeping in the freezing cold on concrete? Your heart will tell you the truth of that situation if you listen.

Truth requires love and love requires truth. I have every reason plus twenty to have hate in my heart, but I just wanted to destroy myself when I harbored hate in my heart. I just gave it up. What Christians call the holy spirit came down and said “you’ll never know if you’re going to survive, you’ll always feel pain, you’ll suffer, but I’ll be there with you.” And so something stopped in me. I believe in Christ but I’m not a Christian. Turn the other cheek on the inside. Let them win. For in losing, you gain a peace that surpasses all understanding. They gain some green paper. You gain your soul.

Mercury Retrograde

Mercury retrograde is really just about auditing your thinking. Some part of your mind looks backward for 6 weeks at what it has wrought. Your brain is in an “updating” phase, downloading updates for itself, doing maintenance. So we are all a little distracted. We share some non-local, subconscious collective process that moves like fish in a school. It’s the wave world, not the particle world. And that part of us that moves with that herd, is backward-looking. Then when Mercury retrograde ends, like today, we can go forward fully facing the future, with a new version of your mental operating system.

What is a Proper Life? [My Sunday Sermon for 11.17.19]

The origin of my suffering was the pursuit of a life without pain. Acceptance of the element of chaos within every moment of my life taught me that I cannot build castles and towers of Babel to remove myself from pain. Pain is my teacher and should be befriended and listened to so that I might grow. A modest life in tune with nature seems to me to be the path or way. A life of poverty has been instructive to me.

One might ask “how do you know what is modest?” If you are not lying to get wealth through manipulation or directly stealing wealth, then you can do as much with your time as possible to build defenses against calamity. Unfortunately, our American lives are built on stolen wealth, and that wealth should be returned so that our lives are closer to Earth and closer to pain.

Our cultural notion that a “primitive” life, close to the Earth is a miserable existence is so baked into our collective consciousness here in the West that we cannot imagine a simple, anarchic existence of living in tune with nature. The very influential philosopher Thomas Hobbes described the primitive existence of humans as “nasty, brutish, and short.” And yet, now we have constructed lives that are nasty, mind-numbing, and longer.

Within our beings is a plant called wisdom. In order for that plant to grow, it needs to be watered by the tears of pain and lighted by the sunlight of humility or it will never mature. This is the present that we find ourselves in, a present without wisdom because we have vanquished pain and eschewed humility.

This life exists so that we might grow from children into adults. There is a seriousness that needs to be achieved in order to live a fulfilled life. That is my experience. Seriousness saved my life. Life need not be serious all the time of course, but until one can look life starkly in the face and have true acceptance for one’s part in what’s gone wrong and be able to make changes to correct the situation, you are not there. You can live without wisdom, but you will miss the point entirely and probably will need to distract yourself with shiny things until you die, unfulfilled.

Thoughts on the Cult of White Supremacy in the United States

The Cult of White Supremacy in the US
My realization that I was what society calls transgender was really a self-rediscovery. People like to say that things about ourselves can be hidden or buried, but often, they can be right in front of our noses, and we just get very, very good at self-denial and self-delusion because the acknowledgment of the thing is too painful or scary.

I discovered that I was born a feminine boy and then around age 5, I learned to be something that I was not, and it slowly killed me until my 30s when I gave up the false notion of myself. My mind was blown by the fact that I had completely forgotten something about myself out of fear of being ostracized.

Now, as I ponder the American problem, I see something right in front of my face that I now can’t unsee. White America tends to tell fairy tales about how happy and fulfilled they are, but if you are sensitive enough, you can see behind the masks of the average American to see how contrived and false this happy facade really is.

In cults, there is a strong tendency in the members to project a vision of perfection. I once read Kate Bornstein’s biography about being a member of the Scientology Sea Org as a repressed transwoman, and she said that everyone always let everyone else know how perfect and happy they were because anything less would be a personal failure. When a cult has stripped you of all of your other attachments in life, humans find themselves lying to not lose favor with the only attachment they have left, the cult itself.

I see this in American white culture. It’s true that some brown people have been integrated into the white power structure, but caucasian and Christian people are the primary administrators of American culture and standards of behavior to this day. And whiteness appears to be a cult.

Most white people are obsessed with projecting an image of perfect self-satisfaction and competence. But this is a passively aggressive lie meant to denigrate whomever you are talking to. White culture is the cult of dominating others. When your God is money and power, showering another person with all of your “successes” is a dominating act of aggression. The fact that no member of this cult wants to admit is that these “successes” are arbitrarily chosen. They work very hard creating models and theories to “prove” that the values of the cult of white supremacy are necessary and essential. When someone totally ignores these values and lives their life in a way counter to these values, a strong feeling of resentment builds up in the white cult member.

Now, for example, when a black man or woman doesn’t do this contrived activity of smiling and projecting utterly saccharine chipperness, they are labeled as angry. This is because the white cult member is threatened by this lack of participation. The black person is subliminally saying to the white cult member, in the cult member’s head, that the cult member is full of shit. Just by having a neutral facial expression, the black person is a threat to the white cult member. Denial needs to be fed constantly to overcome the everpresent thing trying to be denied, and anyone who challenges the basic tenets of the cult of white supremacy needs to either be silenced or explained away as insane.

What do you think?

The Current Crazy Will Lead to a New Paradigm

Everything seems crazy right now unless you realize that technology and the internet is shaking the establishment to its core, and the establishment is freaking out as a result. Because the establishment has tendrils into so much of our government-media-military complex, you are witnessing a giant freakout as the clothes of the pseudo-emperors are exposed as non-existent.

What are they doing as a result in real-world terms? Supporting a clown as president even though they know it is wrong and forgoing any semblance of ethical behavior. It is sad to see people exposed so deeply, but they are getting exposed at a very quick rate.

This carnage won’t likely be over until 2024 or so by my estimates based on various methods, but it will end. The old, decrepit growth is being broken down and tilled over. You may not see it now, but the children are shocked by their elders’ behavior. A change is gonna come, and it’s gonna come quick.

So, if you’re supporting the right-wing as it is, you’re the bird who was telling the dinosaurs “it’s just a regular asteroid, no worries. It’s just a permanent winter, no worries. Arby’s will be open in no time!” The old carapace is being shed. We all should welcome this natural death.
This isn’t to say that we should stop fighting and just let them die. No, we are the asteroid. They are the Arby’s loving dinosaurs.

Life can be understood to be a video game, some thoughts I downloaded recently

Life can be understood to be a video game. Somewhere, our true bodies lie in a contraption that beams the contents of this world into our true self. This body in this world is just an avatar, a video game character. This smaller self is created by the interaction of our true self and the video game program, which can be thought of as God.

The code, or God, works against us to stress us. We adapt and keep playing. Our true self interacts with the reality matrix called life in two ways: first, it interacts with “objects” within this world. You might write a letter and put it in the mail to your mother. It takes a couple days of game time to get there. The second way that your true self interacts with the game is instantaneous. There is a psychic connection between all aspects of the simulation and your true self. We all have an instantaneous messaging system with each other.

This is what is known as telepathy, knowing at a distance. This is because of the differential in time taken to send a message; one system has a relative system of timing that depends on variables within the simulation. The other is a fixed, extremely fast, system of messaging. When these two systems of communication come into similar speeds, we call this intimacy. Some true selves have been working with other true selves over many different game attempts. They are bonded in a union.

The “angels” of this video game are just subroutines or non-player characters to borrow from modern video game terminology. This is why angels are thought of as lacking free will in the Abrahamic religious tradition. They are just artificially intelligent components of this video game. There are however, moderators of this system who do actually exist outside of the system. They are system administrators, or gods. They speak to the select few who are approaching graduation from the game.

One graduates when certain fundamental lessons have been absorbed into the consciousness of the true self. Life is merely a conditioning system for our true self. We enter into the video game when we are immature beings of the race of the creator. The system exists to challenge us so that we learn lessons that are necessary requirements of living in such a technologically advanced society. The individual events that happen in our lives have no real importance beyond their ability to help our true self to evolve into a mature individual who is then ready to reenter the society that is running the simulation.

Certain varieties of wine grapes must be grown under specific environmental conditions in order for them to achieve full sweetness. They must be stressed with very hot temperatures so that they overproduce certain sugars. Because of this stress, the wine that they produce tastes better than without the stress. In this way, we are like grapes on a vine. If life was too easy and non-stressful, we would not mature fully. Life has to be stressful in order for us to become who we need to be. There will never be a stress-free existence inside of the simulation. We are living inside of a gym with a very demanding personal trainer. And if we check out, we’ll just re-spawn in the same situation. I don’t know what “God” is looking for because it changes from moment to moment. The video game will give you a score, but none of us really know what that is.

© Abbey Pope 2019 – Click Follow for Automatic Updates!

The Simple Concept of Transpersonal Awareness

I was listening to a 1975 lecture by astrologer Dane Rudhyar today on Youtube, and he referenced his previously written book entitled “The Sun is also a Star,” and it’s rather obscure, but on the drive home I saw that the local movie theatre is playing a movie named “The Sun is also a Star.” Synchronicity…

In the lecture, he was talking about what “transpersonal” or “cosmic” consciousness is, and what I can surmise from it is the following:

  1. We are born into our physical bodies from the controlled world of the womb into the completely uncontrolled world of birth.
  2. We breathe our first breath and breathe in the shared breath of millions of beings before us who breathed in that same very air.
  3. We are at once, both ourselves, supporting our bodies, and wholly dependent on the other.
  4. For the first part of our lives, we are focused on the body and its contents.
  5. Then, through trauma and chaos, we are broken apart and realize our dependence on something higher.
  6. As we move from ego structured thinking to transpersonally structured thinking (taking into account forms other than merely our bodies), we must chose between focus on us and focus on the larger more whole reality.
  7. And so we must “trust in God” insofar as we have to trust that by looking at a more whole picture of the universe and devoting less attention to our basic needs, we will still survive.
  8. Our attention becomes split between the body and its needs and the larger self, called total consciousness or total awareness.
  9. We learn to balance the form of our body and the formless of the larger totality

I see from this that we do not lose our attention on our body and our ego. We just see them in the context of the larger totality. So, anyone that thinks that they must devote all of their time to God or the All will necessarily run into trouble unless they are dependent on others who are more focused on the mundane realities of everyday reality, like going to work and getting food. The true spiritual act is to balance the body and the ego within the context of the whole of our experience. Being spiritual does not mean rejecting the body; it means incorporating the body and ego into the larger entirety that is called God or Brahman or Allah by seers in the past.

The astrological concept of Saturn, the lord of reality and time, is the mediating factor between the sphere of the personal self and the larger sphere of the transpersonal self. I had my “come to Saturn” moment on January 17th, 2016 when I realized I couldn’t just run to the other, the higher by killing the body. I had to accept my body as part of the whole. And I suppose that “the Sun is also a star” can mean that individual people are suns within the cosmos of the stars. We are the microcosm and the macrocosm.

Any questions are warmly welcomed. Peace discordiaños.

How to Die and be Reborn

Author’s note: This is a channeled essay that I wrote in ritual on 4/21/19. It might seem vague and obscure, but I’m posting it as is. Enjoy!

If you sit and let the body die, you will see the void. The void will inhabit you, and you will get to know it. If you cede control to it, it will guide you. But it is not an it, it is a lack of it. If you become the lack of form, you will let light in, and a seed will sprout, and it will grow. It will grow if you water it and give it light and let it root in your soil. When this tree grows larger, it will bear fruit that you can eat. It will give you shade and protection from the weather. This tree is inside of you, but you can imagine it to be outside of you as well. It doesn’t matter. This tree will follow you to the ends of your earthly life. 

This tree can reach up into the heavens and can root down to the depths of the Earth. You can communicate through this tree. Eventually, you will realize that you are the tree. 

When you become as like a little child, you will be able to play like a child. A state of completely childlike play is REQUIRED for magickal work. You are the aeon when you enter into this state. You are the child of the mother and the father. Play! Play! Play! 

It takes enormous energy to completely be yourself in the face of a blanket of conformity and behavior-policing by the state and its followers. The empire never fell as Philip K. Dick famously wrote. The Holy Roman Empire still exerts a tremendous amount of psychological control over our thoughts and assumptions about reality. Few people have the strength to exercise this willpower to this focused a level. Everyone has the potential, but in present times, there is a tremendous amount of superficial sensorial addiction which keeps the individual in a state of stupefaction because they cannot see their inner selves. When you cannot see a part of yourself, that part will control you through a continuous series of unpredictable events. Know thyself, and be free of or have much less confusion.