Tag: autism

“You’re all fucking idiots for liking Greta!” the monologue. (satire)

You don’t understand! Greta’s parents are liberals too!! She’s obviously brainwashed by the hidden, Soros funded elites! She even has these people called teachers who help her understand things! How can you idiots be so stupid as to listen to her well-articulated and science backed argument when there’s all these other factors like the fact that she looks like an Aryan Nazi youth because she has braids and she’s white. She has braids and she’s white!!

I bet she doesn’t even have a job like all the other antifa libs draining the resources of “parents.” I know that she’s not thinking for herself because my daughters were not capable of this kind of thing at 16. They were out getting pregnant like God intended! And they’re just rolling her out so that you can’t disagree with her well-reasoned argument because she’s a helpless, retarded child who paradoxically shuts down Republican congressmen when speaking for herself at a hearing. It’s called pedophrasty. That word is not in the dictionary, but I saw it in a meme whose author I already agreed with. I saw. it. in. a. meme. Checkmate.

A broken clock is right three times a day! I mean two. I think. Fucking chemtrails are the reason I made that mistake right now. Someday you’ll wake up to the truth and not the Antifa lies! Btw, did you see the picture where she’s wearing a shirt that says she’s anti-fascist? That just proves she’s a total fascist.

So in conclusion, I’m a scared white male who doesn’t want to lose his tiny scrap of a scrap of self-respect, so I’m attacking a small child who threatens me. Also, I have no self-respect because when Greta was educating herself about how destructive climate change will be to humanity, I was shopping online for stickers of guns to put on my truck and watching the 976th meaningless football game of my life. I have no ability to argue against greenhouse gas theory, so it’s easier if I just send code to other scared and intellectually defenseless dude-bros in meme form. I mean why even learn climate science or science in general? Yeah, I’d rather keep my brain, thank you very much.

Coping with a New Diagnosis: Asperger’s Syndrome (ASD)

I’m going through a bit of an existential crisis lately. I’m switching back to the tech industry; I broke up with my partner; and a couple weeks ago I found out that I have a mild case of Asperger’s Syndrome. That last thing is probably the most confusing thing to digest. It makes perfect sense honestly. I was always a loner in school. I’ve always been insanely reactive to noises. I started having meltdowns when I was 16. I excel at math and music. I’ve worked as an engineer, where half of the people might be on the spectrum. I’ve always been an insomniac. I found it nearly impossible to make friends until my mid-thirties. There’s more, a lot more.

Learning that I was born with my social difficulties has allowed me to realize that my weirdness is OK. I get overwhelmed by the world a lot, and I never really had an answer to why this is. I’ve been this way since I was little, so there is also a lot of trauma and rejection piled on top of my difficulty with people. Then I developed fibromyalgia as a response to constantly being overwhelmed and unable to form social bonds. And of course I was also way more femme than the other boys.

But a label is really just a label or a bucket that separates people as “other.” It can be helpful in some ways, but also limiting in other ways. I have learned how to live in a world that is not designed for me. I have learned how to mask myself by mimicking other people, and this is something that everyone does to varying degrees. Where my natural inclination is to talk about deep subjects, most people just want to do small talk.

But it hurts to think that maybe my relationships might have turned out better if I wasn’t so cold at times. I really do crave social interaction, but I also get overwhelmed, and it can be a lot of work to maintain relationships when you need so much alone time to recharge.

So I’m trying to figure out how to be myself with this new knowledge. I’ve ALWAYS felt strange. I used to think that I must be some sort of robot for not feeling my emotions like other people felt theirs. It’s a supremely odd thing to get some new knowledge that completely changes one’s entire personal history and personal narrative. And I know a common reaction to this will be “you don’t seem autistic!” That’s because I’ve worked very, very hard at developing behaviors that others take for granted. I’ve had to shoulder this load in silence, alone, and it’s been extremely exhausting.

I know because I don’t have skills in certain areas, I have talents in other areas, like writing and music. But right now I feel somewhat lost. I know I’ll find my footing again. I’m not these labels. I am a magical mermaid artist, lover, dreamer, creator, and fool who can make people laugh. I suppose it feels like a certain part of my brain is on overdrive, and so I have had to learn how to deal with this without spinning off the rails.

I’m figuring it out, but it’s been a slog. At least now I have an explanation of sorts for the root of my “issues.” And honestly for someone with high functioning Autism, I’m doing really well. I’m working full time; I’m getting my Master’s; and I’m a performing musician. But sometimes I get overwhelmed and turn into a social recluse to cope. It’s tiring, but I’m making my way through the fog with a little help from friends, family, and lovers. I wasn’t really born with the ability to maintain those relationships but I’ve learned how over the decades. And I’ll keep on learning.