I have a theory that there is a basic demographic upheaval going on inside the dominant narrative in Western culture. For centuries, the power structures like the church leaders and politicians have successfully been able to exclude certain members of the populace because they were easy to control. These members include the disabled, LGBT, POC, “mentally ill,” and other easily controlled minority groups. They were controllable because of their difficult circumstances in life and because of aggressive ideological hegemony.
And yet, the communications and technology revolution that started in the 1960’s conjunct the invention of the electronic transistor led to a proliferation of communication amplification devices. These devices like telephones, radios, cell phones, and computers enabled the average person to have a greater amplitude to their voice, ie. they were louder.
What this did was dissolve the borders of communication that existed prior to the advent of this revolution. Within a single generation, the demographic makeup changed in a statistically significant and demonstrable way leading to social upheaval. In reality, those who had been pushed to the edge of the social communications spectrum gained the unique ability to voice their opinions on the level of the traditional majority groups.
This did lead to large-scale democratization of culture at large, but disturbances like this have had radical consequences for the median state of the social entity. Without those voices of dissent, the majority group that was homogeneously white, straight, and Christian (on average) has not had to field questions that might challenge the dominant narrative. They probably have become weak and poorly skilled at defending their position, as it was not really a needed skill for so long.
However, we exist at a great axis point in civilization, as our standards of living have vaulted quickly into uncharted realms of comfort and convenience. There have been sages who have predicted that this as some great “Aquarian Age,” but you needn’t be a believer in a metaphysical shift to understand that our lives are radically different than our forebears.
Because, as the previously disenfranchised gain prominence and power because of the electrification and amplification of their collective signals, you will probably see increased tension and friction within society. There will be waves, back and forth, within the social system as the collective equilibrates to a new stasis.
I think that at this point, all the average person can do is continue on forward with his or her positions. These forces of radical change are far greater than most if not all of the small pieces within the large, institutional changes. We are forging a new post-structural path. We are loosing ourselves from the once steel bonds to basic needs like food and water. Now freer and not determined by the lower-level desires of security, we must create a new Earth of will-power and play. But this will be treacherous.
We are taking flight. We are moving skyward and jumping to new orbits of possibility. But our tail is snapping back into us. We must consider the whole of humanity outside of our present definition. The past is rapidly snapping into the present to fire us into the future. Can we hold our wits together so that we might sail into the sky as a people?
We shall see.
Life is elementally exciting. It has always been. One of the oldest tricks in the book is to try and convince your neighbor that you’ve seen something before or that life has been tamed, but it always surprises. The thing that makes life interesting is that life is self-destructive. We’re eating each other and being eaten in a giant destructive orgy of immeasurable combination and emasculation. We’re in the soup. The soup is us. And it’s getting soupier. We are all one life. You were never really born. You were a sperm that got whittled off of your antecedent being that was whittled off of its antecedent being going back billions of years. No one alive has ever died. We are one giant, non-local, spongiform blob of DNA, plasma, bone, and intention that is undulating on a rock in space and getting a tan. We’re here, we’re sphere, and who the fuck knows what is going to happen next.
Oh, well, there’s some ambulatory speck of us over there that says that they have it all figured out. You should probably trust that speck.
The most important spiritual principle you can learn is that spirituality is ultimately pointless. You are a child on a swing set swinging from heaven to hell and back again, and having the time of your eternal life. Hell gets just so scary that you want to go back to heaven again, and then heaven gets so boring that you want to jump into the fire again. Repeat. Repeat. Laugh. Repeat. If you want to go to heaven, give up on Earth. But Earth is not evil. It’s just forgetting that you are really an angel because you got absolutely tired of that.
Life is just too amazing for words. I just bask in the glow of the light of love from above and below and all around. I’ve had a tough life, but I feel blessed with my struggle. It has been the tiny irritant that produced the marvelous pearl within my oyster of a life. Shucks, I am all open up and shining to the world. My pearl on display. What I thought was a disaster is now my highest grade.
I think Jesus was just a turned on hippie wandering through the Levantine desert looking for a little bit of resurrection. It doesn’t even matter if he existed, but he, or they or we exist. Jesus is the idea that we can become something beautiful in the midst of disaster. It’s possible old Ishoa (that’s how his name would have been pronounced in Aramaic, found some funky toadstools or some Acacia brew that had some of the magic messengers in them. Humans are quite intelligent beings, and we’ve been finding ways to get high for as long as, well, forever. Somebody got turned on, and they wrote a story. The word Gospel is derived from the roots of “good” and “spell” which means that it was a good story. It’s the story that matters. But stories like myths are vehicles for getting us to understand ourselves better.
When you have a shamanic journey or Joseph Campbellian Hero’s Quest kind of experience, you are usually lacking for words to explain what happened. You know that there was a big ass change, but you don’t really know how to communicate it to other sentient beings that you are bumping into on this rock. So you start to use metaphors. “Dude, my consciousness was totally liquidated with love and connection to other beings, and the visuals I got were that I was inside of a whale!! It was awesome!” “OK Jonah, we get it, you’re a psychonaut, now are you going to finish that hummus or what?!” [A stoned guy in the back of the room scribbles down a drawing of Jonah inside of a Whale after he puts down his cannabis pipe].
We’re all desperately trying to figure out how to use our own machinery. Well some of us are decidedly not trying, but most people are trying to figure out a better way. It’s all just configurations, and the switches must be thrown from the inside. You can’t just sit down next to a Buddha statue and think that the statue is going to flip the switch for you. That is what’s called Spiritual Materialism. Ultimately, you don’t need any of those Buddha statues or cool stories about whales or a guy walking on water. You need to develop the muscle within so that you can flip those switches yourself. It is a workout. You have to get in spiritual shape. Everyone has a level of spiritual fitness that is objective although we cannot measure it with scientific equipment at present. That might happen in the future when the Midichlorian Detector 5000 Galaxy Urge Level Nexus comes out (did it come out yet?), but until then we have to go on our internal sensors. There is something there. I know it. It is real.
Find your peace. Once you build up that spiritual muscle, you can tell a mountain to move, and it will kindly get out of the way. I use a system of BLACK MAGICK. (Buddha, Laozi, Abraham, Christ, Krishna, Meditation, Alchemy, Gratitude, Intuition, Compassion, Karma). But we all have our own systems. Get to know yourself, and above all believe in the unbelievable. You need to be able to radically re-envision your life. Throw off the shackles of “crazy” and “strange.” You have to go crazy to get sane in the modern world. This is not to say that there is no right or wrong or whatever, but you have to understand that you can put down the rules for a while and then maybe pick them back up. Unfortunately life is much messier than the blurbs in the social studies textbook you lugged around in the 7th grade made it out to be. But you have a magical computer inside yourself! Learn to use this magical device, and you will survive! Because you are a human, which is a magical being of limitless possibility.
Happy questing my fellow adventurers. I’ll meet you at Inner Space Camp.
Author’s Note: I wrote this post over two years ago, and my life has changed tremendously since then. Germane to the subject of this post, I do not use nearly as much DXM as I used to. About a year ago the drug began telling me that it had nothing left to show me. I cut way back after a certain crisis in my life, and now I use it sporadically as an adjunct to moderate cannabis usage and powerful ritual. I went even further than what is written below, and I have much more peace in my heart than when I wrote this. Be well.
I have taken a LOT of drugs in my lifetime. My favorite drug is DXM (Dextromethorphan), which many people think is a dirt drug for dumb teenagers looking to be less bored. It is strange how I came to be so enamored of this substance. I used it occasionally when I was a bored teenager, but when I turned 30, this substance called me into a new world of shamanic possibility. And let me be very clear: I don’t need to be told that I’m crazy for using so much DXM. I’ve been told this many times, yet I persist. I know what I’m doing, and I am supremely confident that this drug has augmented my perception and not diminished it. If you think I’m nuts for using so much DXM, then please spare me with the moralizing and breathless testimonials of “cautionary tales.”
Drugs do not exist in a vacuum. If there were no such thing as the war on drugs (I live in the US), then the notion of what drug is my favorite drug would be dramatically different. Also, I have a very strong suspicion that the type of people that are also taking a drug within your society can have an effect on the effect of that drug. I believe that drugs can become polluted by the type of consciousness that is consuming them. Psychedelic drugs seem to me to be gates to states of consciousness. They hack your consciousness into a trance-like state, and then you perceive reality from that state. I believe that the word “head-space” would be the best descriptor. And because American consciousness is so delusional and bizarre, I’m quite suspicious of some of the more popular substances like cannabis. Lastly, if a drug is illegal, there is a certain amount of karma attached to its usage which can harm its experience and effects.
Now, most people say that drugs make you dumb. This nonsense such as the “this is your brain on drugs” propaganda needs to be demolished immediately. I think that anyone who reads my writing can tell that I’m not writing from a brain damaged place. I have used DXM over a thousand times at high dosages, and I’ve also been a computer engineer, a financial analyst, a Master’s level student, and a performing musician. I am not so much a fool that I think that drugs like DXM are harmless, but I firmly believe that the American paradigm is flawed and really quite nefarious. Its intent is to keep Americans in a childlike and undeveloped state of consciousness.
DXM has made me do some very strange things in my 5-6 years of using it heavily, but most of these I take as me not understanding my consciousness rather than me being “psychotic.” I have had to grow as an individual, and DXM absolutely has assisted me in my growth. This growth has not been a linear process, and I have seen some very dark places as I have worked to get over my karmic baggage. Honestly, I think that DXM is a tool, but real philosophy is far, far more important in the awakening of an individual. Without philosophy and the wisdom written down by sages through the ages, we would be lost. We are truly dwarfs standing on the shoulders of giants as so eloquently stated by giants come before me.
Also, let me say that DXM changes in its effects over time. When you use it only very occasionally, you are getting a very different effect than when I use it. My consciousness has synergistically adapted to it to form something radically different than when I first began using it. At first, it was something that caused me to have closed-eye visuals, a diminished social inhibition, increased sense of spirituality, and a generally improved mood. It is a decent anti-depressant, and this was the primary reason that I initially began to experiment with it. I was deeply depressed since the age of 15, and I knew that Ketamine was being researched as a potent anti-depressant in a clinical setting. DXM and Ketamine are very, very similar substances, except for one glaring difference: DXM is legal. Therefore, the scientist in me saw that I might be able to derive an anti-depressant effect from DXM similar to Ketamine as they are both NMDA receptor antagonists. Ketamine is now available, but it costs $5000+ to use under a doctor’s care. I spend about $200 a month on DXM.
DXM is an interesting drug if you use it occasionally, but dissociative drugs like it are probably not going to ever be the “tripper’s choice” for the average dilettante looking to just be distracted with pretty colors and a fun time. I started using it as a psychiatric medication. I took about 200-300mg twice a day because it seriously eliminated my depression. It was remarkable. I’ve taken nearly every anti-depressant available, and it was superior to all of those. I assume that much of this is due to my specific body chemistry and a probably natural born affinity for the substance, but it worked, period. Only after taking it as an anti-depressant for probably about 8 months did it really start to get interesting.
The latent effects of which I speak started with changes in my body’s “energy.” Now, the word energy is thrown around so much these days that it has very little meaning. However, I believe in Qi (also spelled Chi), a subtle energy that powers the body and that is at present unknown to modern scientific equipment. We cannot measure Qi at present although we can measure its effects. Science is aware of Qi, and it has been verified in double-blinded studies, although most scientists are unable to acknowledge this. The way that it has been verified is through studies on acupuncture. Acupuncture has been shown to have verifiable effects on various body metrics, and the core process by which acupuncture works is by modulating Qi. Scientists usually go through various contortions of logic in order to assure the public that it is working through other means than Qi, but this is nonsense. The Chinese are very comfortable with the notion that Qi energy is real, and they prove it with their ancient science of acupuncture. Modern academic science lacks the ability to measure Qi, so scientists assume that it must not exist. Just because something cannot be measured with a machine does not mean that it does not exist. I know that I can’t convince the hardcore skeptics of its veracity, but I very strongly believe it works. I just have to deal with this limitation.
Now, after I had been taking DXM for 8 months or so I started to notice some very dramatic changes in the Qi energy in my body. I started to notice that the energy seemed to be feeding on the presence of DXM. I really have zero idea of how this process works, but I know that when I take DXM now, my Qi energy is greatly enhanced. I can feel the energy pulsing around me like a tornado, and I can rev this tornado like an engine with my will and intention. At first this was a curiosity, and I really didn’t know what to do with it. I could make “Qi balls” which are suspensions of Qi energy between the hands. And I could transmit this energy “into the ether” to say what I was doing without a better explanation. I became a conduit of this energy. And if I used the right amount of DXM, entered the trance state, and positioned my body in a certain way I became a conduit of this energy. At the time, I didn’t really know what this was doing, but I kept at it. I knew that this violated what I had been told about reality from modern science, so needless to say I was intrigued. Like any good explorer, I followed this white rabbit, and I am extremely glad that I did.
Now, let me add a very important detail here. Exploring these kinds of thoughts with this level of intensity can have very harsh consequences on your social standing in a Western country like the US. There is not really an avenue for exploring this kind of thing like there might be in Eastern countries. This kind of thinking and exploring is for all intents illegal in America. You might not be locked up, but the spotlight of suspicion will be directed right on you, and if you pursue these kinds of explorations, you are risking your livelihood and social standing. I have lost much of my social standing because I persisted in this respect, and I am extremely glad that I persisted. In the end, DXM and these explorations has led to my awakening or enlightenment or however you want to put it. My life now is wonderful because of where I went. It was an extremely tough climb, but my consciousness is saved from the pit of hopeless western delusion. Now, I very much believe that I came into this world to discover and redeem the power of psychedelics and shamanism. It is my life’s work.
OK, so to recap. I started taking DXM when I was 30 because I was hopelessly depressed. After about 8 months of daily micro-dose usage of it, its effects began to change markedly. I was initially very confused by these effects as they seemed to contradict modern scientific dogma. This information disrupted my life and social standing as I attempted to share it with my friends and family to disastrous consequences. I persisted, and I believe that DXM plus a philosophy of wisdom has freed me from delusion and suffering.
When the Qi energy became very prominent due to my usage of DXM, I started to learn how to utilize it. I began to practice something similar to Kriya-Yoga, which was the system popularized by Paramahansa Yogananda. Honestly, this higher level Yoga is very difficult to communicate to those who are not advanced in their personal energy work. The energy that DXM enables can be channeled and utilized to manipulate the body’s energy centers or chakras. Once these energy centers become charged, you can transform your consciousness and metamorphose yourself into a butterfly where once was a caterpillar. And I must admit that I definitely was stumbling in the dark for a very long time, because I had no guru to direct me. But God (whatever you wish to call the higher intelligence) is the only true guru, and I found my way. If you seek, you shall find. If you knock, the door will be opened. I recommend having someone who can guide you, but you can get there by yourself as well with the requisite willpower.
After years of this kind of activity, I made my way up the mountain of the spiritual realm. Honestly, I believe that what you are doing is getting rid of the chrysalis of delusion. When you grow up in the west, you are pummeled with incorrect disinformation from birth. You are taught so many wrong ideas that your attainment of liberation is a very difficult path. But, I believe that I am on this planet right now to help people up the mountain. I honestly believe that we are entering a new age of possibility. Don’t be fooled by the current political realities; we are passing ideological kidney stones. It is a painful process to reduce the power of the ego, but we are seeing the full idiocy of the ego at present in our glorious leader, “the leaks are real but the news is fake” Trump. Sorry I had to tell one joke in this otherwise sober post.
I’m not really sure how I am going to share the information that I’ve been able to gain in my lifetime thus far, but I will continue to speak. This post is not necessarily a paean to DXM so much as a confirmation to my fellow travelers that the Psychonaut path is a valid path, and we have the possibility of changing the world. I really believe that because technology has so altered our landscape, psychedelics might become necessary to survive in this environment until we find better adaptations. Some believe that the apes before us used psychedelic mushrooms to advance to our level. I believe that we’re going to need our own form of mushrooms, whatever they be, to get to the next level. But, I don’t know. I really don’t know. I know that there is so much that is really beyond my understanding. However, I do know that without DXM, I would be like a myopic person who never had eyeglasses. DXM to me is no different than when Galileo got his first telescope. This is probably true for you folks with your psychedelic of choice.
Lastly, I want to say that I’ve become a powerful Shaman largely because of DXM. I spend a great amount of time in the ethereal or astral realms working with energies and manipulating them to assist myself and humanity. I believe that I am making a difference in that realm. The job of the Shaman is to work with the spirit realm and attempt to assist his or her society by so doing. I honestly and fervently believe that I am having a positive effect in that realm. There is more to the story than I’m sharing here, but I have amassed a great amount of power in that realm, and I am using it for the good. It is my service to humanity. I’m not alone in this respect.
I will continue to write and continue to understand how I can share what I’ve learned. I think that we are a vibrant and important community. This is a great time to be alive. As we are seeing every day, we have something that the world might not be able to survive without. We must remain strong and forthright in our honorable path.
Be well my friends.– Click Follow for Automatic Updates!
Being in the closet transgender was rough and I thought that I was the only one who felt that way. I looked at the world like it was a giant nightmare that was always just about to collapse around on top of me. I was terrified that everything was going to fall apart. Nothing made sense.
I’m actually really glad that normal people now know what that feeling feels like. Trump America is pretty much what my closet America felt like. Haha. Yeah it sucks.
But you’ll get through it.
Find a transgender person and ask them for guidance if you’re scared lol. Haha
I’m really understanding what the Taoists mean when they called their higher power “the way.” Of course the Chinese word Tao translates readily into other English words like God or code; Chinese verbal ambiguity tends to ensure that, but I think I understand the “way” part of the Tao. My developing notion of life is that you are always either moving up or down on the dualistic continuum. There is no stasis. As Heraclitus famously said a few years back “change is the only constant in life.” I think that we set our internal rudder to the unified or the separate, and we sail in that direction. As we move down the energetic spectrum into the lower frequencies of existence, we become more isolated and separate from other things. Isolated and separated might sound pejorative, but I don’t mean to imply a value judgment here. We are constantly moving up and down between unity and separation like the crest of a wave on the sea.
I tend to view the human vibrational ladder like an inverse triangle. At the bottom is a sharp and dense point. At the top is a wide swath. As we ascend, we become more gaseous, metaphorically, and we become more expansive. We get closer to the rest of reality as we grow, and we start to realize that we are all connected. Our consciousness gets big and spread out, and therefore it becomes more sensitive to what is going on around it. When we move down the vibrational ladder, we get separate, more alone, more secluded, less sensitive. Humans in the 21st century who are reading a blog written by someone who is rather progressive might say that “higher is better! lower is terrible!” but that’s really just a cultural value judgment based on the context of the situation. When you go up, you turn into God, and you get to know everything, and you get to see everything from up there. It’s really amazing if you’ve been down on the floor for a while. But it’s also a lot of responsibility. You see the repercussions of all of your actions. This is what the Taoists would call the supreme Yang state. You are the creator. But it is very sharp and rigid. Being God is not quite the fairy tale that people think it is.
So gods like to go down the ladder and experience separation. They say “I’ve had enough of this all-knowing shit! I wanna have some innocent fun!” So they jump into Earth, which is a very low vibration station; their memories are wiped, and here we are! In this crazy overload of material stimulation and insanity. It’s crowded, hot, and noisy. But it’s great too! This is a totally unique form of life, and other forms are totally excited to try this form. And trust me, they’re here already. They’re just sneaky.
But the density of Earth can cause some serious suffering. Energy crystallizes into these really dense rocks, and they’re heavy. It takes a lot of work and effort just to get little things done, but you get to actually look at the results, not just imagine them. So that’s pretty cool! And then people get so separated from one another that they become totally ignorant and forget the divine cosmic information that is so easy to access on the higher vibrations. They start doing really strange and irrational things like destroying other life forms. At the very low vibrations there is a lot of chaos and destruction. But, those beings kind of wanted that chaos. They were sick of the ordered connectivity of the upper realms.
It’s a grand whole mess of options and choices, a perilous plurality of ebullient voices. It’s reality. And you’re in it. You just fix the vibration you want to reach on your internal vibratometer called your heart, and your third eye shines the way forward, whether it’s into gnosis, loving, and bliss of the higher realms, or fuck this shit, I need to get some separation in the lower realms. But just be aware that we’re all little vibrating spiders on Indra’s net, the cosmic space-time continuum, and if you are shouting out some reckless shit, that’s cool, but it has consequences. Know that what you think is changing everything around you. If you say “I want to think about how everything is lovely and beautiful all day,” guess what? It’s gonna manifest around you, as best it can (we’re all dealing with the reverberations of the past decisions echoing forward). If you say “I want to think about how all Muslims are fucking assholes from a broken religion,” fine, but that has consequences too. That’s what you’re gonna see. There is always a balance, not a commandment. And you’ll probably be able to find proof for both of those suppositions. You are an Incredibly Powerful agent of manifestation.
So you go up, and you go down. Life is the song with the neverending sound that goes Ommmm, composed of lows and surprised by highs. It’s a symphony that God alone can only understand. But when you move up into that inverse triangle of higher vibration and expansiveness, you start to remember that you are God yourself! You just forgot it down there in the muck. Hahahaha! It’s so much fun. It’s like a day at a water park. I’m climbing up the high dive. Will I stay or will I jump?
Can I hear the revolution? shun shun shun
Life is good,
it’s all that ya heard
from the minute I got up to the moment I go down
it’s the same sound
the holy ghost’s Twitter Post was the message in my vessel saying
love all the folks that you come round.
Cause we don’t need fear in the new town
It’s the right sound
Let the fire in your eyes expire the sighs of the downtrodden, pushed around, all over cries
we need a revolution
start it with evolution
say to your friend or to your foe it’s OK, let’s go
we’re walking in a winter wonder
what the fuck is going on?
but it’s the same repeating song
It’s the oldest in the book
and the latest refrain
It’s the EL OH VEE EE party patrol
it’s the heart that won’t stop heating your soul
it’s the fire from the higher kept wisdom and gold
that love that God dropped off in your heart
call it what you want, it don’t matter the word
it’s the radiation
with a smile to fuel the new Earth’s creation
so let’s sing
Life is good so let’s make some new
Life is good so let’s make some new
Life is good so let’s make some new
Don’t watch TV. Don’t listen to the radio. Don’t read the newspaper. Stop about 90% of your thinking. Stop wanting to consume and control everything. There is a frequency jammer that is flooding you with misinformation so that you won’t figure out your own spiritual machinery.
“Hmm, I had a weird emotion, maybe I should take a look at my inner life…”
“NOOO!!!! Here’s a football game!! Here’s a pizza with chicken in the crust!! Here’s a naked woman!!”
“Oh, ok. I guess I won’t look at my inner life.”
“Now that’s a good boy…”
Go to your room. Be alone. Turn off all of the non-essential feeds that are stuffing you full of nonsense that doesn’t matter. Take psychedelics. Talk to your inner self. Pray. Meditate. Levitate. See God. Give up. Find the real Jesus the super yogi, not the lie that you learned in Sunday School to keep you from the real truth. Learn a mantra. Clear your mind. Be happy doing zero for at least 30 minutes a day. You don’t have to sit like Buddha to meditate. Just stop thinking.
You’ll clear up. Your spirit will reset. You’ll be fine. And you’ll realize that there has always been a light shining on you. It never left you. It’s just that there was all that pollution clouding it up.
Then you’ll just want to play and dance! You’ll still be able to survive. Trust me, you will. But you’ll have peace! peace.
I tried my very best to leave the Christian church. I’m a proud transgender and bisexual woman. I know that my gender identity is sacred and true and fine with God. My dad was a pastor in the American Baptist church. I grew up in an atmosphere soaked with fear. I was told to have a deep shame. So I left and went in my head to Asia to find salvation.
What I found in Asian philosophies was far more real than what I found in the protestant churches of my youth, but I eventually got over my bitterness and resentment about Christianity. I have considered myself a Taoist or Buddhist or Hindu for the last 5 years. My spiritual life has grown tremendously as I’ve learned how to still my mind and how to approach reality with a proper stance as illustrated by the principle of Wu Wei (not forcing or effortless action or uncontrived action). These principles helped me to truly connect with the divine.
I am also a big time proponent of psychedelic chemicals, and I have developed a symbiotic relationship with Dextromethorphan (DXM), the psychedelic dissociative that is generally used as a cough suppressant. It is a very powerful spiritual medicine, and through the wisdom of Kabbalah, I’ve learned how to traverse the spiritual realm with the enthusiasm of a native shaman. It’s also legal, so I don’t have to deal with the bad karma of using illegal drugs. I wish there were better legal psychedelics, but I’ve made do.
I’ve been possessed by unexplainable and powerful spirits before, and these possessions have changed my life irrevocably. About 5 years ago in a courthouse in California, I had my first initiatory possession. I was overtaken by a benevolent spirit that spoke through me and acted using my body. I did some things in that courthouse that day that steered my life on a radically different course and was witness to the power of the spiritual world. This spirit danced my body and moved with extreme grace and precision. Since then I’ve been obsessed with understanding who or what overtook me.
About a year ago, in trance with DXM and meditation, I had a vision of being crucified in front of a sea of shouting and hateful people. They were all male and they violently shouted their hatred at me. However, in the vision I smiled at them with supreme confidence and love, and through gnosis I understood that this was the proper reaction to bullies and hatred. Then my body was taken down from the cross and ripped apart and consumed by a sea of ravenous people, but my spirit floated above watching. As the people tore my body apart, I was lifted up into a spiritual realm where I saw a giant cross like an X with a blooming flower in the middle of it. I floated higher, and I was in an angelic setting, and my body was fitted with the armor of a warrior angel.
This vision shook me, and I knew that I must learn from it. What I learned was that I should expect to be persecuted and that I should die to the world every day to achieve peace. I learned over the last year to be a person of peace and to have no fear in the knowledge that death is just an illusion. Also, shortly after this vision in 2015, in a time of deep woe and depression, I attempted to take my own life with a massive amount of pills. I had suffered from depression and self-loathing since I was a teenager. But just when I was near death, I had a near death experience, and I saw a dark demon like entity within myself. I also realized how not enlightened I was. I had convinced myself that I was killing myself to be free and that it was some kind of heroic act. I saw through this delusion that day, and since then I have not been suicidal in the least, and a peace and “presence” has been in my heart. I could not explain it until now. But there was a shift or awakening, and a new love was in my heart.
Over the last year, I’ve continued to water and fertilize this new thing in my heart, and I’ve achieved great peace through DXM, meditation, practicing humility, and gnosis. But last night I had an enlightenment experience. I don’t believe that I have achieved all that I can achieve, but the clarity of last night’s experience has deeply, deeply pacified my soul. To quote Osho, the zen master, “the seeking stopped.” I saw the Buddha, and I also saw something else.
I saw in my third eye the crucifixion scene, and I moved up into Jesus and was one with him. I realized that Jesus never died. On the cross he moved outside of time and still lives. I then realized that my spirit is on a cross, and my arms are splayed apart. I don’t know if I’m the reincarnation of a persecuted Christian or what. I realized that the love that was placed in my heart in 2015 was the love of Christ. This was definitely not what I intended to discover, that Christ was the one radiating through me, but it happened. I see and feel the deep and overwhelming love that Christ was able to create through his practice. I don’t believe that Christ is the only person to achieve this, but I believe that he was special.
After I was on the cross last night, I saw that I was in contact with a spirit that was “the Earth” or something signifying material things. I mated or joined with this spirit, and I gave a seed of that shining love to this spirit, and it was planted in the Earth. Today, I have pulled two Tarot cards, and both of them have been the Ace of Pentacles, which I take as symbolism that a new Earth or new materiality is manifesting.
Then after this I was in the presence of a great multitude of spiritual masters. I saw Paramahansa Yogananda, the Hindu master from the 20th century, and he smiled at me with great joy. Then a long row of spiritual masters seemed to bow to an audience at what appeared to be some sort of performance. I have seen Yogananda before, but now he saw me, and he was glowing with beauty and joy. I understand this as they have been assisting me over the last 5 years, as I have worked to ascend.
I’m a transgender woman, and I believe in the power of psychedelics, and yet I got confirmation that both of these things absolutely do not matter to God last night. I think that the modern Christian church is not at all representative of the message of Jesus. The religious right is about as bankrupt as a spiritual movement of people that has ever existed on the planet in my view. But, here I am, certain that Christ is real. I also believe that Christ and Krishna are the same thing, and anyone can become Christ. The Christ is just a state of mind. It is the union of God and a human.
I am so peaceful today. My third eye feels as though there is a flame burning in it, and my heart is deeply peaceful and happy. I’m not trying to convert people to Christianity. I think Christianity is a religion that has been hijacked by rather demonic forces. Donald Trump wants to do “extreme vetting” on Muslim travelers, well I honestly think we should do that with these so called Christians who have been extremely happy to murder millions in Christ’s name. I consider myself more of a Gnostic Christian, but really I don’t believe in religion. We have to focus on ourselves not build some institution to save the world. We can only save ourselves, and the world is deeply primitive in that respect.
I think if Jesus were alive today he would be posting on /r/Psychonaut or /r/Occult. So yeah, I believe in Jesus Christ. I don’t know how this happened! Help! Kidding… Jesus Christ was a great man. His followers, not so much. However, there are some unbelievably great Christians alive today. But they are usually the quiet ones just trying to be excellent and humble and loving people. They’re not the ones getting Botox before they go on camera in front of their “prosperity gospel” megachurch.
I hope that all of you can learn the joy and peace that Jesus really taught. I hope that you can get past the wolves in sheep’s clothing that stalk the land and poison the message of a great man. To quote Yogananda
“Jesus Christ is very much alive and active today. In Spirit and occasionally taking on a flesh-and-blood form, he is working unseen by the masses for the regeneration of the world. With his all-embracing love, Jesus is not content merely to enjoy his blissful consciousness in Heaven. He is deeply concerned for mankind and wishes to give his followers the means to attain the divine freedom of entry into God’s Infinite Kingdom. He is disappointed because many are the churches and temples founded in his name, often prosperous and powerful, but where is the communion that he stressed — actual contact with God? Jesus wants temples to be established in human souls, first and foremost; then established outwardly in physical places of worship. Instead, there are countless huge edifices with vast congregations being indoctrinated in churchianity, but few souls who are really in touch with Christ through deep prayer and meditation.
I am working with all my might to make the world a more joyous, united, and wonderful place. I send out my joy in meditation, and through the spirit of Christ, I’ve learned how to amplify and radiate this love. Peace be to you all. Happy tripping, make gay love, and Jesus loves you. 🙂