Tag: Jesus

How Privilege Makes White People Immature and Helpless

We often talk about “white privilege” and it tends to be discussed in terms of having stuff. “That person has white privilege,” we say. “That other person has male privilege.” But what does that mean?

To me, privilege is not a positive but a negative, or a lack of something. When one has white privilege they have freedom from something. They have freedom from trauma, pain, hardship, toil, etc. When one is protected from the mandatory hardships of life for which one has evolved to deal with, they become puerile and childlike. Their skin becomes thin. They cannot handle the smallest slight. They are weak and become dependent on protection from the necessary traumas of life. This is why those white men carry those rifles around, because they are weak and terrified of having to deal with life naked and undefended.

But what is the converse of privilege? I would assert that it is a surplus of hardship and challenge. It is a excess of the onslaught of reality with its slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. This tends to make one’s skin thicker and makes one tougher.

And so, if you want to be honest, whiteness has become synonymous with weakness, and thus the entire apparatus of the state becomes necessary to maintain protection from the normal, average trials which befall any person living on this planet.

White culture and the western nation-state steals the defenses and padding of the brown people of this world and wraps it around the light-skinned people it protects. If you start to think of white people as immature and childlike, you can quickly see and hear it when you look at and listen to them.

As I’ve transitioned from being a white male to a white transwoman, I’ve had to experience a rude awakening of what it’s really like to live without that stolen armor. This rude awakening, that I sought to put off for as long as possible by posing as a straight white male, hit my weak, thin-skinned ass with a vengeance, and I was paralyzed at first.

But my skin grew. My toughness increased. Now, I can’t say that I know what it’s like to be black, but I know what it’s like to be targeted for who I am from as soon as I entered elementary school. I know what it’s like for others to hate things in you that you are not even aware of yet. And I know what it’s like to lose a significant amount of privilege.

And yet, don’t be afraid of losing privilege. Living in the false world of stolen armor is not real, and it stunts development in many ways. The transition to a normal amount of privilege can be shocking at first, but then you realize your inner strength, and you begin to realize that life is not about hiding behind wealth and privilege. Life is about meeting life on life’s bare terms.

To quote a brown-skinned Judean named Jesus, “if you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor.” I interpret this as if you want to really grow, you need to cast your privilege aside.

And also, Krishna of the Hindu pantheon said to privileged Arjuna in the Baghavad Gita: “yield not to weakness; it does not suit you. Throw away this faint-heartedness.” Meaning that one must meet life without fear and without protection and cowardice.

Only through letting go of privilege can one really be alive. Words will not make one alive. One cannot say “I understand that I am privileged,” and expect the situation to resolve itself. One should give up one’s privilege. This is the only path of truth. Change the system from within by giving up your pilfered wealth that was likely funneled through the generations from slave-created surplus. You will survive, and you will be a real human, not a child in a shell.

The problem we face today is not a black problem. The problem is a white problem. Until we recognize our theft, our appropriation of defenses, our heinous usage of black bodies as human shields against the hurricane of nature, we will not grow, and we will not be mature. We will be on average, pathetic sprouts, unable to grow into the trees we were born to be.

Personally, my life is so much richer after I gave up most of my male privilege. It is immeasurably harder, but it is more vital and real. And I ask that you do the same. I can’t change my skin color. I am stuck being white. So the only way for me to reduce my so-called white privilege is to dismantle the institutions that value whiteness over blackness. This takes work. This takes sacrifice. But I assure you that it will be worth it both for black people and for white people.

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Prayer to Eris, dark queen of chaos, wanderer of the Kuiper Belt

Oh in the name of dwarf-planet Eris, icy queen of the Plutonic Kuiper Realms, I inhale the vapors of the Libran full moon, I call on my transgender powers to end all of Western Civilization just by being, I drink from the goblet of Saint Hoffman, and I exhale…

So now that Christ is dead until Sunday and all. Since he’s indisposed, I thought I’d share without worry of shame because sometimes I really overthink my perspective, and I just need to get it out. I should probably just give a report on my life since Facebook is beseeching me to share!

It’s definitely a ride in the ol’ Yellow Submarine machine. I thank my lucky Neptune that I’m still alive, and I somehow happen to have a beautiful girlfriend too!

I’m working full time, and in school full time to become a mental health worker, so all super serioso stuff. I live in Portland, Oregon, a city that is absolutely without peer in its total inability to handle the Trump presidency without internalizing the official “the sky is falling!”, “you’re a pathetic serf,” “no gods will love you,” premise, which is the whole fucking point of the Trump “we really, really don’t like black presidents!” golden apple shitpost of a presidency. I mean, I know it’s like the perfect bait for the holy roller Luke Skywalker staring into the desert class. I get it. But, this shit is too much. Laugh people! Laugh at your captors! Gleefully squirm in their shackles.

Oh, and I work for the Oregon Department of Environmental Quality, and you know how pissed we are at everything. I’m shaking my finger at you world! My facebook post is now being edited by grammarly for appropriateness now. Goddess forbid that I mispel a word!

And right now, I’m just barfing up digital confetti because that’s the appropriate reaction to the Paleo friendly Zuckerberg stew that we’re all pigging down on. But don’t worry! Silicon Valley is disrupting our way to salvation!

But lastly, please don’t let any of this profane anti-social speech condemn my future and my children’s future to a life of bleak toil on the lunar spice mines. I need to get a license and all. Thank God I can use this phony creation called Abbey Pope, Discordo-shaman to the interweebs and total alter ego and definitely not the other girl on my resume that shall remain nameless.

Praise the giant dwarf planet asteroid dancing in the sky who conjuncted my moon as a babe. I know you will always be with me because you know, you can’t spell Aries without

oh well, you get it…

Please return to your veneration rituals to the solar zombie god.

A Few Words

God gave you a left hand and a right hand. On one side there are things that happen to you and you’re the victim or receptive or yin. On the other side, you are the actor, the thinker, the yang. You can’t reduce it to one. It’s both, well at least both. I’m not that smart enough to know how many hands reality has. But you can’t say that you’re a total victim, and you can’t say that you’re a total egotistical controller. We’re all both in varying degrees. So can we please meet in the center? Can we have a mosh pit of love and understanding. I know that some people are “unrelatable” but people change. I used to be a frothing right winger. I grew up. Let’s all stop being total know-it-alls that are completely convinced that the other side is wrong. Certainty is poison. There is no certainty in a complicated system of oppositional actors. Humility, Please?!
By the way, WTF is wrong with you Donald Trump. I’m talking to you as one of those horrible trannies that you want to cleanse out of the military. (BTW, only we can say tranny. Don’t fucking say it if you’re not a tranny.) Grow the fuck up motherfucker! Simmer down my brother. You’re not fucking Christ. Lord. The amount of intellectual certainty in this budding Aquarian Age is just too much. Yeah, we kind of know things because of science, but science is wrong every day.
OK I feel better. It’s such a fucking disaster. Center. Breath. Ground. Know that you’re a dumb ass ape. Life is work.
I’m drunk, but hey, I can write a few words.

Loving my number one enemy: myself

I think what I most try to do to be sane is to be kind to myself. I used to be so angry and judgmental. I was a terror. Now, I’ve really given up on that. Jesus famously instructed his followers to love your enemies, well often our number one enemy is ourselves. I always thought that whatever this “me” thing was, it was definitely out to totally screw up my life. Now, I just go with life. We’re going this way this week? We’re gaining a few pounds this week? OK, let’s see what happens! Cool! 🙂

And the ways we construct our definitions of why something is terrible are usually quite arbitrary anyways. We think “if I gain weight, I will be unhappy!” We never know how this movie called life is going to turn out. Life is so much more complicated than that. If you really open your eyes to how often your nice little fairy tale narrative doesn’t actually work, you will be blown away by the wonder at how the hell this thing works anyway!

I also really like the quote by Jesus that said “judge not, lest you be judged.” I think most people misinterpret this passage. I understand it to be that if we go around judging everyone else up and down, we will judge ourselves the harshest, and it will be entirely uncomfortable being in our own consciousness.

So I’m working on being nice and respectful to myself. I definitely was raised to be very harsh on myself, and I just about died from it. Now, my perfectly imperfect self is my friend, not my enemy. What fun!

Jesus was a Psychonaut and So Are You! But don’t worry so much about it…

Life is just too amazing for words. I just bask in the glow of the light of love from above and below and all around. I’ve had a tough life, but I feel blessed with my struggle. It has been the tiny irritant that produced the marvelous pearl within my oyster of a life. Shucks, I am all open up and shining to the world. My pearl on display. What I thought was a disaster is now my highest grade.

I think Jesus was just a turned on hippie wandering through the Levantine desert looking for a little bit of resurrection. It doesn’t even matter if he existed, but he, or they or we exist. Jesus is the idea that we can become something beautiful in the midst of disaster. It’s possible old Ishoa (that’s how his name would have been pronounced in Aramaic, found some funky toadstools or some Acacia brew that had some of the magic messengers in them. Humans are quite intelligent beings, and we’ve been finding ways to get high for as long as, well, forever. Somebody got turned on, and they wrote a story. The word Gospel is derived from the roots of “good” and “spell” which means that it was a good story. It’s the story that matters. But stories like myths are vehicles for getting us to understand ourselves better.

When you have a shamanic journey or Joseph Campbellian Hero’s Quest kind of experience, you are usually lacking for words to explain what happened. You know that there was a big ass change, but you don’t really know how to communicate it to other sentient beings that you are bumping into on this rock. So you start to use metaphors. “Dude, my consciousness was totally liquidated with love and connection to other beings, and the visuals I got were that I was inside of a whale!! It was awesome!” “OK Jonah, we get it, you’re a psychonaut, now are you going to finish that hummus or what?!” [A stoned guy in the back of the room scribbles down a drawing of Jonah inside of a Whale after he puts down his cannabis pipe].

We’re all desperately trying to figure out how to use our own machinery. Well some of us  are decidedly not trying, but most people are trying to figure out a better way. It’s all just configurations, and the switches must be thrown from the inside. You can’t just sit down next to a Buddha statue and think that the statue is going to flip the switch for you. That is what’s called Spiritual Materialism. Ultimately, you don’t need any of those Buddha statues or cool stories about whales or a guy walking on water. You need to develop the muscle within so that you can flip those switches yourself. It is a workout. You have to get in spiritual shape. Everyone has a level of spiritual fitness that is objective although we cannot measure it with scientific equipment at present. That might happen in the future when the Midichlorian Detector 5000 Galaxy Urge Level Nexus  comes out (did it come out yet?), but until then we have to go on our internal sensors. There is something there. I know it. It is real.

Find your peace. Once you build up that spiritual muscle, you can tell a mountain to move, and it will kindly get out of the way. I use a system of BLACK MAGICK. (Buddha, Laozi, Abraham, Christ, Krishna, Meditation, Alchemy, Gratitude, Intuition, Compassion, Karma). But we all have our own systems. Get to know yourself, and above all believe in the unbelievable. You need to be able to radically re-envision your life. Throw off the shackles of “crazy” and “strange.” You have to go crazy to get sane in the modern world. This is not to say that there is no right or wrong or whatever, but you have to understand that you can put down the rules for a while and then maybe pick them back up. Unfortunately life is much messier than the blurbs in the social studies textbook you lugged around in the 7th grade made it out to be. But you have a magical computer inside yourself! Learn to use this magical device, and you will survive! Because you are a human, which is a magical being of limitless possibility.

Happy questing my fellow adventurers. I’ll meet you at Inner Space Camp.

Are we allowed to talk about God and communication with higher intelligence online without being lampooned and lectured to?

I talk to God. Now, I’m not saying that I dial up a meeting on my google calendar and the big grey bearded one and I do a webex. No, that’s not what God is to me. And I use the word God as shorthand. It’s a pointer or placeholder. It references that thing which is larger than me, the all. I know that this thing exists for a variety of reasons, however, those reasons cannot be communicated at present with our current technology. Understand that language is technology, and our current language is woefully lacking in the ability to communicate extremely abstract and deep concepts. Someday, say if an MRI machine is scanning my brain, and it is able to make out an image that corresponds to something that is happening in reality, then science might be able to start proving God. Suffice to say it that my proof of God is in my head. That doesn’t mean it’s meaningless. My inner consciousness is incredibly important in my epistemological calculus of reality. But I can’t show you how all of these absolutely bizarre circumstances lined up oh so perfectly defying all logic. That’s my limitation. That’s fine.

But I still believe, because I have a mountain of evidence inside my rational brain as do other believers. I know I’m not alone.

Maybe you have never had any of these experiences. Maybe you never knocked at the door. I started knocking a long time ago. And now I know. Now, it’s so obvious to me that there is more than this world. To quote the ancient master Yoda: “luminous beings we are, not this crude matter.”

And because I believed before, even greater evidence came my way. Then I believed some more. Then even greater evidence came. Now, I have this throbbing third eye sphere in my forehead all the time, and I don’t have to say “gee I wonder if there’s something more than just matter.”

Anyways, you can be rational, sane, and believe in higher intelligence. Honestly, I think it’s probably just a higher form of me. So why would that be so terrifying to the world? And the thing is that almost everyone around the world believes in higher intelligence, but us in the west, we have this gestapo psychology of “Just a coincidence!!” barking at every peep of belief.

Anyway. Just some thoughts. I want to thank this community for being awesome. This is a wonderful Agora like place where we can grow spiritually and intellectually. We all have different positions, and that’s awesome. It doesn’t automatically mean that someone is a raving lunatic that needs to be lectured into the back of an ambulance. But this kind of conditioning is very deep and strong in our society. It takes a lot of strength to resist it.

Peace my fellows. ❤

A year ago I almost died, then grace came through, and now I’m free. This is the story of my moment of awakening.

A year ago on January 20th, 2016, I was in the hospital for suicidal ideation. I had just gotten a DUI 4 days earlier. The hospital sent me home because they didn’t know what to do with me, and they told me I would not get a bed in a psych facility. I told them that I would probably kill myself if they let me go, and they let me go anyways. So, I decided to try and kill myself.

I went home to where I was living at the time, with my then girlfriend. I knew that I had a trove of toxic medication, about 250 pills of various chemicals, and I had researched and figured this would do the trick. I set about measuring them all out. It nauseated me thinking about taking them all, but I just went about taking them all. It took me about an hour to get them all down. I was deadly serious, and I sat back to write my suicide note.

I felt the darkness creeping over me. At the time, I really thought that killing myself was the right thing to do. I had a committed feeling that I was doing a righteous act. I thought that I would go to God, because I thought that I was some form of enlightened at the time. I could feel the darkness of death starting to take me. This feeling will stay with me for the rest of my life.

I still have the note that I scribbled onto a paper plate. It said “Goodbye. It’s been fun. The depression is just too much. It’s unending suffering. I don’t like America. It feels like a prison. Whatever. I’m sorry for the pain this might cause. Sorry if I sound like I don’t care. Just tired. Abbey.”

I thought about what would happen next, and for a second there was doubt. I didn’t feel liberated. I still felt depressed. And I was scared. I thought that maybe killing myself would make things worse. I thought about hell. I thought about God. I thought about going to somewhere even worse than where I was. I reread the note that I had written. Then something clicked. I still don’t really know what happened, but this was my awakening. My life changed in that instant. I noticed that the note was whiny. I noticed that I was angry. I noticed that I sounded childish. And then I saw my ego. It was this angry, demonic looking thing inside of me. I saw it. And it was so pathetic. I felt foolish. I felt stupid next to death and God. All of the excuses about why I should kill myself seemed so ludicrous.

And I looked at that ego inside my gut (that’s where I saw it), and I just said “this is so fucking stupid,” and I laughed at myself. The pills were really starting to take effect, and I was getting diarrhea. I couldn’t even kill myself properly. My body was desperately trying to get rid of the poison. I thought that I would have passed out by this time, but I was still very much conscious.

In that instant I realized that the anger of my ego was insatiable. That thing was so committed to its insanity that it was willing to kill its host. That was where I realized that I had to stop listening to my ego, and I just thought “I’m failing at everything. I have to give up. I have to listen to someone besides my ego.” And I just surrendered. I gave up.

I walked out of the room I was in. My girlfriend was sitting on the couch. She was kicking me out because she couldn’t help me, and she couldn’t handle all of the suicide attempts. I sat next to her and asked “do you think all of these suicide attempts are stupid?” Of course she agreed, but she was distant. She was exhausted by me. I felt strangely liberated at this point. I had fired my ego. I felt free. I told her that I was calling 911 because I was trying to kill myself. The paramedic and cops showed up soon after, and the hospital was able to clean out my digestive tract with the most amount of laxatives I have ever taken and hope to ever take again, lol.

That day I gave up. I consciously switched my inner compass away from my ego, which was totally insane, and towards God. You can call it whatever you want, but I was saved that day. Christ or something came into my heart, and to this day, I can feel a basic goodness in my heart. There is something in there that was not there before that day. I had done a lot of spiritual work before that day; I had built a candle in my heart, but until I was willing to surrender, it was an unlit candle. Making that decision to say “ok God, I’m clueless on my own, you’re in charge” lit that candle, and it is still lit.

Over the last year my life has improved SO much. And I’ve really had to do about everything that my ego would say NOT to do. I’ve had to get jobs that were not very exciting. I’ve lived with roommates in sober living that have definitely not been that great of people. I’ve had to drag myself to spiritual fellowship when my ego would definitely rather not do that. I’ve had to quit drinking. I’ve changed my diet and lost 65 pounds. I’ve meditated with a passion. I’ve reached out for advice instead of thinking I know everything. I’ve bowed down to the world instead of wanting the world to bow down to me.

I’m so happy I fired my ego. It’s still there with its frown and judgment thinking it knows everything. But I just laugh. I really don’t know how I did all of the amazing things that I did over the last year. That’s fine. I gave the reins to my higher self or God or whatever. Sometimes I think it’s alien intelligence. I have zero clue what it is, but it’s there. And I listen. I open my heart, and I listen to what the world has to say.

I don’t want to kill myself. I’ve had almost no suicidal thoughts in the last year. I got off my medications for depression. I’ve recovered. I’m still cleaning up a lot of the messes that my ego got me into, but I’m so much better. Life is grand. Life is amazing. Life is peace. I don’t have the fear anymore because I fired my ego. I have a basic trust that I will be ok.

In my mind I just bow down the God and give thanks. I recognize that my ego was just delusion. It was insanity. Everyone struggles in life. I wasn’t special. We all have shit to shovel in this world. Big deal! That suicide note was just silly, so I keep it as a reminder.

My heart is love. I call it Christ to Christians, because that’s their language, and that’s what it is. But it’s also Buddha nature or Krishna consciousness or whatever. It’s redemption. It’s grace. It’s love. It’s wholeness. It’s awakening.

I have the dopiest smile on my face right now. I’m not going anywhere. Life is too much fun! Be well my friends.

Can I hear the revolution? shun shun shun

Can I hear the revolution? shun shun shun

Life is good,
it’s all that ya heard
from the minute I got up to the moment I go down
it’s the same sound
the holy ghost’s Twitter Post was the message in my vessel saying
love all the folks that you come round.
Cause we don’t need fear in the new town
It’s the right sound
Let the fire in your eyes expire the sighs of the downtrodden, pushed around, all over cries
we need a revolution
start it with evolution
say to your friend or to your foe it’s OK, let’s go
we’re walking in a winter wonder
what the fuck is going on?
but it’s the same repeating song
It’s the oldest in the book
and the latest refrain
It’s the EL OH VEE EE party patrol
it’s the heart that won’t stop heating your soul
it’s the fire from the higher kept wisdom and gold
that love that God dropped off in your heart
call it what you want, it don’t matter the word
it’s the radiation
from contemplation
sit meditating
with a smile to fuel the new Earth’s creation
so let’s sing

Life is good so let’s make some new
Life is good so let’s make some new
Life is good so let’s make some new

Stop chasing, let the light shine

Life is beautiful, and not because x, y, or z happened. When you say “I’m happy because this happened” you are distancing yourself from your inner bliss. You are making your peace contingent on external events. There is a light that is always on inside of your heart. Some call this God or Tao or Buddha nature or Christ. If you stop chasing things looking for happiness out in the world, this light will grow brighter. If you become still enough, you can become this light and be reborn in the light.

Have the peace that surpasses all understanding today.

Realize that you are being purposefully distracted from yourself. Turn it all off.

Don’t watch TV. Don’t listen to the radio. Don’t read the newspaper. Stop about 90% of your thinking. Stop wanting to consume and control everything. There is a frequency jammer that is flooding you with misinformation so that you won’t figure out your own spiritual machinery.

“Hmm, I had a weird emotion, maybe I should take a look at my inner life…”

“NOOO!!!! Here’s a football game!! Here’s a pizza with chicken in the crust!! Here’s a naked woman!!”

“Oh, ok. I guess I won’t look at my inner life.”

“Now that’s a good boy…”

Go to your room. Be alone. Turn off all of the non-essential feeds that are stuffing you full of nonsense that doesn’t matter. Take psychedelics. Talk to your inner self. Pray. Meditate. Levitate. See God. Give up. Find the real Jesus the super yogi, not the lie that you learned in Sunday School to keep you from the real truth. Learn a mantra. Clear your mind. Be happy doing zero for at least 30 minutes a day. You don’t have to sit like Buddha to meditate. Just stop thinking.

You’ll clear up. Your spirit will reset. You’ll be fine. And you’ll realize that there has always been a light shining on you. It never left you. It’s just that there was all that pollution clouding it up.

Then you’ll just want to play and dance! You’ll still be able to survive. Trust me, you will. But you’ll have peace! peace.

peace…

🙂

 

I was on the cross with Jesus last night while tripping on DXM. How I came to believe in Jesus, I don’t know, but here I am, and my heart is just simply love. I know Christians are mostly lousy people, but I hope you too can know the real love in the message.

I tried my very best to leave the Christian church. I’m a proud transgender and bisexual woman. I know that my gender identity is sacred and true and fine with God. My dad was a pastor in the American Baptist church. I grew up in an atmosphere soaked with fear. I was told to have a deep shame. So I left and went in my head to Asia to find salvation.

What I found in Asian philosophies was far more real than what I found in the protestant churches of my youth, but I eventually got over my bitterness and resentment about Christianity. I have considered myself a Taoist or Buddhist or Hindu for the last 5 years. My spiritual life has grown tremendously as I’ve learned how to still my mind and how to approach reality with a proper stance as illustrated by the principle of Wu Wei (not forcing or effortless action or uncontrived action). These principles helped me to truly connect with the divine.

I am also a big time proponent of psychedelic chemicals, and I have developed a symbiotic relationship with Dextromethorphan (DXM), the psychedelic dissociative that is generally used as a cough suppressant. It is a very powerful spiritual medicine, and through the wisdom of Kabbalah, I’ve learned how to traverse the spiritual realm with the enthusiasm of a native shaman. It’s also legal, so I don’t have to deal with the bad karma of using illegal drugs. I wish there were better legal psychedelics, but I’ve made do.

I’ve been possessed by unexplainable and powerful spirits before, and these possessions have changed my life irrevocably. About 5 years ago in a courthouse in California, I had my first initiatory possession. I was overtaken by a benevolent spirit that spoke through me and acted using my body. I did some things in that courthouse that day that steered my life on a radically different course and was witness to the power of the spiritual world. This spirit danced my body and moved with extreme grace and precision. Since then I’ve been obsessed with understanding who or what overtook me.

About a year ago, in trance with DXM and meditation, I had a vision of being crucified in front of a sea of shouting and hateful people. They were all male and they violently shouted their hatred at me. However, in the vision I smiled at them with supreme confidence and love, and through gnosis I understood that this was the proper reaction to bullies and hatred. Then my body was taken down from the cross and ripped apart and consumed by a sea of ravenous people, but my spirit floated above watching. As the people tore my body apart, I was lifted up into a spiritual realm where I saw a giant cross like an X with a blooming flower in the middle of it. I floated higher, and I was in an angelic setting, and my body was fitted with the armor of a warrior angel.

This vision shook me, and I knew that I must learn from it. What I learned was that I should expect to be persecuted and that I should die to the world every day to achieve peace. I learned over the last year to be a person of peace and to have no fear in the knowledge that death is just an illusion. Also, shortly after this vision in 2015, in a time of deep woe and depression, I attempted to take my own life with a massive amount of pills. I had suffered from depression and self-loathing since I was a teenager. But just when I was near death, I had a near death experience, and I saw a dark demon like entity within myself. I also realized how not enlightened I was. I had convinced myself that I was killing myself to be free and that it was some kind of heroic act. I saw through this delusion that day, and since then I have not been suicidal in the least, and a peace and “presence” has been in my heart. I could not explain it until now. But there was a shift or awakening, and a new love was in my heart.

Over the last year, I’ve continued to water and fertilize this new thing in my heart, and I’ve achieved great peace through DXM, meditation, practicing humility, and gnosis. But last night I had an enlightenment experience. I don’t believe that I have achieved all that I can achieve, but the clarity of last night’s experience has deeply, deeply pacified my soul. To quote Osho, the zen master, “the seeking stopped.” I saw the Buddha, and I also saw something else.

I saw in my third eye the crucifixion scene, and I moved up into Jesus and was one with him. I realized that Jesus never died. On the cross he moved outside of time and still lives. I then realized that my spirit is on a cross, and my arms are splayed apart. I don’t know if I’m the reincarnation of a persecuted Christian or what. I realized that the love that was placed in my heart in 2015 was the love of Christ. This was definitely not what I intended to discover, that Christ was the one radiating through me, but it happened. I see and feel the deep and overwhelming love that Christ was able to create through his practice. I don’t believe that Christ is the only person to achieve this, but I believe that he was special.

After I was on the cross last night, I saw that I was in contact with a spirit that was “the Earth” or something signifying material things. I mated or joined with this spirit, and I gave a seed of that shining love to this spirit, and it was planted in the Earth. Today, I have pulled two Tarot cards, and both of them have been the Ace of Pentacles, which I take as symbolism that a new Earth or new materiality is manifesting.

Then after this I was in the presence of a great multitude of spiritual masters. I saw Paramahansa Yogananda, the Hindu master from the 20th century, and he smiled at me with great joy. Then a long row of spiritual masters seemed to bow to an audience at what appeared to be some sort of performance. I have seen Yogananda before, but now he saw me, and he was glowing with beauty and joy. I understand this as they have been assisting me over the last 5 years, as I have worked to ascend.

I’m a transgender woman, and I believe in the power of psychedelics, and yet I got confirmation that both of these things absolutely do not matter to God last night. I think that the modern Christian church is not at all representative of the message of Jesus. The religious right is about as bankrupt as a spiritual movement of people that has ever existed on the planet in my view. But, here I am, certain that Christ is real. I also believe that Christ and Krishna are the same thing, and anyone can become Christ. The Christ is just a state of mind. It is the union of God and a human.

I am so peaceful today. My third eye feels as though there is a flame burning in it, and my heart is deeply peaceful and happy. I’m not trying to convert people to Christianity. I think Christianity is a religion that has been hijacked by rather demonic forces. Donald Trump wants to do “extreme vetting” on Muslim travelers, well I honestly think we should do that with these so called Christians who have been extremely happy to murder millions in Christ’s name. I consider myself more of a Gnostic Christian, but really I don’t believe in religion. We have to focus on ourselves not build some institution to save the world. We can only save ourselves, and the world is deeply primitive in that respect.

I think if Jesus were alive today he would be posting on /r/Psychonaut or /r/Occult. So yeah, I believe in Jesus Christ. I don’t know how this happened! Help! Kidding… Jesus Christ was a great man. His followers, not so much. However, there are some unbelievably great Christians alive today. But they are usually the quiet ones just trying to be excellent and humble and loving people. They’re not the ones getting Botox before they go on camera in front of their “prosperity gospel” megachurch.

I hope that all of you can learn the joy and peace that Jesus really taught. I hope that you can get past the wolves in sheep’s clothing that stalk the land and poison the message of a great man. To quote Yogananda

“Jesus Christ is very much alive and active today. In Spirit and occasionally taking on a flesh-and-blood form, he is working unseen by the masses for the regeneration of the world. With his all-embracing love, Jesus is not content merely to enjoy his blissful consciousness in Heav­en. He is deeply concerned for mankind and wishes to give his followers the means to attain the divine freedom of entry into God’s Infinite Kingdom. He is disappointed because many are the churches and temples founded in his name, often prosperous and powerful, but where is the communion that he stressed — actual contact with God? Jesus wants temples to be established in human souls, first and foremost; then established outwardly in physical places of worship. Instead, there are countless huge edifices with vast congregations being indoctrinated in churchianity, but few souls who are really in touch with Christ through deep prayer and meditation.

I am working with all my might to make the world a more joyous, united, and wonderful place. I send out my joy in meditation, and through the spirit of Christ, I’ve learned how to amplify and radiate this love. Peace be to you all. Happy tripping, make gay love, and Jesus loves you. 🙂