Tag: love

Learning to live with the pain in order to allow love in

There seems to be a certain amount of pain and loss in life that is just unavoidable. I think that we assume we can make a difference in others’ pain by showering those in pain with well wishes, yard signs, and good intent. I wonder if that might be like shouting “we love you!” at a chain gang. We don’t want to see people enslaved by pain; it offends our empathy. But there can be a situation where words are worse than silence and might perversely be a form of self-congratulation and manipulation, no matter how good the intentions backing them are.

We can walk together with others through their pain, often in silence. Pain is a great teacher, without which the world would be a failure from the word go. If we seek to run from pain, we will make it a certain distance away and then get snapped back sharply into pain. This will repeat infinitely, life after life, until we learn to transmute the pain into love through our creative process. The rose must dive with its roots deep into the darkness of the dirt below in order to grow and create a beautiful flower. Using the light of the sun, the rose turns death into beauty, and so must we if we seek to grow.

I was able to find a few new pictures of my two boys, William and Daniel, this week online, and it has hit me deep to see my own children grow. I’ve been prevented from having any contact with my children since I started my gender transition 10 years ago. My ex has used every legal means to fight me from seeing them and she’s won the previous battles, and even without any contact I pay a large amount of child support. They see me as dangerous to my own children because of how it might warp my boys’ own conceptions of gender. It has been more painful than I have known how to bear, but my roses are blooming through my art and love. Only by accepting the purpose of the pain as necessary have I been able to grow. And, honestly, I’m at peace about it, and I can look at them now and just feel a wonderful sense of parental love and gratitude.

I’ve screamed, thrashed, moaned, and cried out at the pain of loss to cease, but it hasn’t. But when I stopped resisting and embraced peace, it shrunk down to a much smaller and more manageable form of pain. And because I was not going nuts, emotionally raging at the world, love has entered my life, and others have come to walk with me through the pain. Now I know that I can handle the darkness of the dirt, so my roots can go deep to find water and strength. I’m nearing finishing my Master’s degree in mental health counseling because I know I must use this experience to make a living or I will not flourish. It’s really scary trying to switch careers like this at my age, and I constantly think I am crazy for doing so, but on I go, and I will get there.

My new single “Live with the pain” is almost finished, and I’m crying listening to it. In a world of sorrow I don’t know how to breathe without trying to make beautiful things. And I have such deep gratitude for those who have walked with me even when I was screaming at the world for the pain to cease. But now I can cry and feel release, and this is a huge advancement from when I started this journey. I am tired and worn within, but I am smiling and joyful, and I know that I am constantly redeemed and made new, through the creative divine within.

Thank you for walking with me through the cave of darkness and sorrow. May I have the strength to walk with you through your own darkness to a place of peace and acceptance.

The High School of Love on Earth is changing into The University of Wisdom on Earth. Graduate or be held back!

Imagine yourself before you were born. Before we manifest on Earth, we might say “I really need to work on being more patient” as looking back at  your last incarnation, you see how rashness prevented growth. So as you exist outside of time, you work with the Earth angelic entities and they find an appropriate place of birth with an appropriate set of parents that will help you work on patience. You talk with the adversaries (the “evil” side of life) to ensure that you are motivated to meet your goal of growth in life.

But most of the actual realities, like the race of your parents, or your your family religion are quite randomly chosen. Earth is a procedurally generated lesson machine that works according to abstract goals and fills in the details with things that will work to join together all other souls using this virtual world as a school for growth.

We often hear of the importance of paying attention to the details in life, but more often the importance of life is in the patterns of details. Instead of focusing on the fine details of life, ask questions about the video game of life on Earth, such as “am I in a strategy game? Or an action game? Or a cooperative game?” If you needed work on personal agency and taking action, Earth might have said “ok I have warzone, poverty, and business conflict lives, which one do you want?” And if you choose warzone, it’s essentially the same purpose as the strife of poverty or hacking it out in the business world. The important thing is that you learn to take action. Then when your soul figures out the lesson, the video game level will lose its purpose and the action dominance of it will fade away.

Earth is a school, a tough one at that. Without adversaries there would be no drive to grow and evolve. Earth is constantly evolving to keep you stimulated and growing, so thinking that one can know exactly what will happen in the future is not realistic. If humanity decides to all wake up to the truths they came here to perceive and integrate, the whole reality of Earth would modulate and change.

We have been tasked with learning how to love and how to live in love for the last 75,000 years. That lesson is ending and the High School of Love on Earth is changing into a University of Wisdom on Earth. Those that refuse to learn and commit to love, will not come back to another life at the University of Wisdom. They will be “held back a grade” and will have to go to a different planet to do remedial work at another High School of Love. When Jesus, Muhammed, Siddhartha Gautama the Buddha, and others said that there would be a day of judgment at the end of history, they were talking about the High School of Love on Earth’s graduation day that we are living through. It is here, but there is nothing to fear. Yes, only the evolved and pure will make it through to the University of Wisdom, but if you’re held back in High School you’ll probably go to a planet that is way less crazy than Earth is right now. When planets shift from the High School of Love to becoming a University of Wisdom, there is often chaos all around. This is meant to drive people to wake up, but it can be very intense.

But remember, we get the reality that matches our internal evolved state. Unfortunately many of the means for evolving have been purposefully hidden behind the glitz, glamour, and distraction of materialistic life. But they exist. One can still evolve to graduate to the University of Wisdom and stay on Earth going forward. But when one becomes a University student, one can leave Earth and travel to other planets, so your “home planet” loses significance. It’s a bit like Earth in the TV show Star Trek. Earth in that future reality is in its University of Wisdom phase, and so many other alien lifeforms can also be here. When a planet is still a High School of Love, there is a ban on aliens interfering with student life (with some exceptions). It’s like the “prime directive” on Star Trek where the Star Fleet officers can only go to the surface of planets openly if the planet has achieved “warp drive.” This is a good metaphor for reality. When a planetary society learns selfless love to a sufficient degree, they achieve “warp drive” and can then be visited.

So really, the focus right now should be too just work on love. What is love exactly? Love is the understanding that we are all united and are all fingers on one hand, joined by a uniting palm and arm. You are God, I am God, we are God. When I love others, I am loving myself. When I hoard wealth I am hoarding it from others (myself). When I do not share, I am depriving others (myself). And when you learn this lesson, the fear will drop away. But our society does not represent this reality. It is still obsessed with the idea of separation. So in order for the Earth to move to equality and love, there will be shocks to the system like covid, Trump, climate change, and more. If we could wake up to the truth that God is in everyone and so everyone should be honored, the shocks would not be necessary. But, mechanically, these catalyzing forces will keep happening until we wake up. But that’s just what life on Earth does. Grow or be challenged to grow. The age of being able to not grow is over.

Thank you God for listening. Yes, I’m talking to you. ☺️

What is Christ Consciousness and how do you find it?

There is a higher form of being available to humans that has been called Christ consciousness or Buddha mind, but most people do not experience it because their lives never fall apart. This is what the ancients meant when they said that one must first die to experience eternal life.

What does Christ consciousness feel like? It is peace in knowing that one has always been and will always be. Our bodies, minds, and spirits are merely energy, and energy can never be destroyed, only transmuted. This understanding can be seen just as you can see these words. One can touch the eternal absolute if one is able to strip away all falsehood and let the artifice of this confused life fall away.

Often death is our best friend, but we are taught to fight death with all of our obsessive might. Eventually our civilization will crumble as it is already starting to do so. This is because it is sick and needs to die. But death is only transformation. Even when you die the big death at the end of your human life, you will just become pure spirit and realize this human body was just a suit of clothing that had become tattered. I look forward to death as a great adventure, but I also know that on Earth there is a great opportunity to do spiritual work that cannot be done anywhere else. This work must be done and if one decides to avoid the hard work of persevering on Earth, one will return for another go.

These words are not meant to make you enlightened or automatically give you Christ consciousness. They are just my story, an affirmation that it is possible. Words, no matter how eloquent, cannot hold the truth of the eternal divine reality. That truth must be energetically received directly from spirit. Words are crude tools, like a computer modem from 1992 trying to download a Blu-Ray movie. There is a broadband connection in your being that can download high resolution movies straight from God’s movie studio. But most people put their attention on language or other tools, missing the tool that gets installed at birth: the third eye visionary complex in our mind.

Countless humans run around saying that they have seen God when really they have only seen an extremely low-resolution animated GIF they downloaded on their modem from 1992. If only they could see the high resolution version. How does one know if they have witnessed the true being of the infinite divine? When you see it you realize the stupidity of words; you see how words try to fit an ocean in a teacup. After this, one loses the seeking desperation and realizes there is nowhere to escape to and nothing to find. Fear ceases to be a real concept as time is seen to be not real. A sense of peace pervades one’s being and one realizes that love is the only answer and other humans are the closest thing to God around, even when they are stuck in delusion.

May you have a day of peace. If you choose love and acceptance over control and domination, your life will change accordingly. It might not change overnight, but love attracts love like a magnet. Our collective magnet has been polarized to control and domination, and so we have a world of control and domination. Even if the world is a bubble of fearful control, separation, and domination, if one polarizes one’s internal magnet to acceptance, love, and joy, a bubble of love will surround you. If you continue creating this bubble of love and acceptance, one day you will be a star, for a star is pure love and light.

But love is fundamental. Fear and control is a setting that can work to provide order, so it appears to be an option. There is divinity in the light AND the dark. A world without shadows has no substance. But we can move towards the darkness or the light. I have seen the darkness. It is lonely and stressful and requires one to constantly manipulate others, so I choose the light. But it is a path, not an end. Darkness dwells within us all here on Earth. And darkness is God as well, so it is deserving of our light and love.

How to graduate to the next level, on Earth or another planet, with joy and ease

To start out this short guide, let me back up and tell you a little about my history. I created ZeroNom in 2016 to try to deal with some difficult thoughts I was having while living in a culture quite opposed to the idea that there are worlds and beings beyond what we can sense or measure. But these kinds of thoughts have been emblematic of my experience since I manifested in a human body as a child, so long, long ago. I love getting older.

I suppose I am what’s called a visionary, an artist, a mystic, or something like that, but I have also been labeled a reject, a drug addict, and a freak. From a young age I’ve dealt with unexplainable experiences and sensitivities. So, ever the daring explorer and sometime chaos machine, I went on a journey of inner and outer possibilities.

I have changed in many ways from the person I was when I started off in search of truth, God, love, peace, etc. What I’ve learned, paradoxically, is that those things are not “found,” they actually manifest when we become comfortable never reaching, never ending, or never finding. Only after accepting my own eternal and infinite nature could I see that there is nowhere to run to and nowhere to escape to, for everything is one and united. In the absence of the madness of craving and seeking, love flowers on the soil of peace. We are only separated from God in concept. Returning to the kingdom of heaven is a self-resurrection of awareness and belief. And it can be accomplished now!

I do think that I am special, in that I have a different vibration than most people I’ve met on this planet. But that does not mean I’m unique or superior. I am an advanced student, but when I graduate from the high school of Earth to the university of whatever’s next, I’ll be on the bottom of again. This is the great cosmic way: growing, dying, growing, dying, growing, dying, growing…

Within the illusion of Earth, the energy here is confused because it has become so condensed into matter. The energy thinks itself to be static and fixed. But everything is energy. Matter is crystallized energy as we all know and accept thanks to Albert Einstein’s theory of relativity. We are walking, talking, vibrating crystals of condensed light. We are in the enormously compacted, larval state of our future butterfly reality.

Anyway, to change the subject just a bit, the end is here. Dun dun dun! I mean, look around, it’s slightly obvious. Earth has changed, and the new order is being established. Many who are first will be last. Many who are last will be first. If you can agree with most of Jesus Christ’s sermon on the mount, you can stay on Earth and live in relative paradise. Commit thyself to the service of the light and love and service. Or commit yourself to the dark path of control and separation. There is power in the dark just as there is in the light, but the dark path requires that one love only oneself above all others to a maniacal degree. If you wish to live in service to the self, but do not commit to absolute self-service, you will be placed on another Earth-like planet to retake this grade. It is not a penalty, there is just a sorting mechanism to the universe which places you in the body and on the planet you need right now.

But regardless of this metaphysical stuff, relax and know that love persists always. When you graduate to the next level, you very well might look back to Earth and miss this place, even with all of its extremes. Learning to love reality no matter where you are is the magic lesson that will get you sorted into an existence with other loving people, on Earth or any other place, in this life or the next. Rejoice and be glad! The light will shine on you regardless of your faith. But you can escape this lower density reality with a commitment to serving the other entities living in it!

What I’ve learned and how I’ve attempted to grow in the light since touching infinity on Solstice 2020

Hello reader(s)! I greet you in the light and love of the infinite creator. I’ve been going through a shift of gears since December of 2020, trying to crystallize new transmissions and experiences in a receptive manner. I suppose it might be Saturn passing through Aquarius that has called me to step back from writing, but regardless I have slowed down my posting quite a bit.

However, personally I have gone through remarkable transformations since solstice of last year. It seems as though I have experienced infinite intelligence and therefore see the world from an inside out perspective. This has troubled me, but I believe that I understand now after much research what has happened.

In my attempts to reach the light, the Creator, the source, I have come to see that there is no such thing as I; there is only the infinity, boundless and unified. Therefore much of my self-oriented behaviors and patterns have come under scrutiny, as they no longer appear as vital or productive as they once seemed. I know also that I’ve had to choose between the light and its infinite Glory and the delusion of separate self, in an actual way not a theoretical way.

I suppose the simple way of saying what has happened is that my personal energetic balance was called into question after experiencing Infinity, so I have had to rebalance and focus heavily on love, openness, sobriety, and simplicity. Through the grace of the infinite light, I have been healed of my delusion created illusionary complexes, like the physical health limitations that I once believed to be incurable. Much of this healing was done in the simple understanding that there are no limitations, so I can go to find whatever healer I need to facilitate balance, be it a doctor, a Naturopath, a chiropractor, or a yoga instructor.

I have spent much time on this blog writing inefficiently and negatively in the past, even when I thought I was being positive. And so my hiatus has allowed me to slow down and analyze my habits, to discard those that are deleterious to my thriving. Also, these negative, self-limiting habits and assumptions have made me a target to nefarious, oppositely oriented entities, who wish to disrupt my light in order to gain the power of dominance over me. I send any beings of negative polarity the love and light of the infinite creator, so that they may see beyond the delusion of separation and ultimately the delusion of polarity. Love and light shine on the light and the dark, so I must drop my shield and replace it with glowing light and prayerful love.

That being said, I have learned from excellent teachers to pull the weeds of resentment and anger from the garden of my soul. Each day is a new challenge, and I pray that the light will watch over me and any of my readers who are seeking to grow in the light.

May you have light, love, wisdom, and infinity, so that you can realize that within each of us is an infinite piece of the light, just as valuable as the totality, and so we are all one. We are only separate in the delusionary game of 3rd density Earth, which is rapidly dying to give birth to the Earth of love, light, and compassion. Be joyful in the dharma, the way, the path, the sangha, the Buddha, the Christ, the prophets, the angels, and the one true God. Acceptance is the way.

Much love and light to you.

How my brain gets high on anger and how I escape the spiral of compulsive negative thinking

I’m convinced that being self-denigrating is a drug. “I suck” “Everything is awful” “I hate myself” etc are statements founded in anger, and anger has been shown to release adrenaline, dopamine, and endorphins which can give us a physical high. As a culture, we think that being angry and resentful is caused by external factors, but often this might be psychological projection of internal causes onto external objects. We sit and stew in our anger while reading internet posts and news stories that feed that anger by repeating the narrative that we are threatened. Someone like Donald Trump becomes a drug dealer with each tweet releasing feel good chemicals into the brains of readers. The scarier the imaginary monsters in the post, the more feel good chemicals are released.

I say all this because I am an anger junkie myself. My imagination is capable of formulating limitless scenarios which trigger me again and again. For me, this leads to addiction to substances. And the only way I’ve been able to get away from compulsively using substances is with psychological detachment I’ve learned from Taoism and Buddhism, self-reflection, and also with support groups where individuals purposely avoid those feel good chemical inducing states of mind.

I had to wake up to the fact that when I really examined my life and the things that have happened to me, yes painful things have happened, but from a young age I became identified with being viciously angry at the world and at myself. This snowball of rage culminated in repeated suicide attempts where I came within hours of dying. Something flipped five years ago. I saw the anger as sad and immature in a flash as I lay dying, while paramedics pulled me back from death.

Because of the limitless ability of the internet to manufacture rage and resentment, I believe we are quickly racing to the edge of sanity, where we will be forced to acknowledge that a union of peaceful stability and selfless love is the only way forward. Or we will go out like any low bottom junkie, lost in a dissociated haze of highs and withdrawal as our civilization crumbles. The human mind was not designed for the internet or even for books. Our addiction to negative, imaginary threats is accelerating to the point that we cannot manage our lives. Reaching the end of this exponential growth curve is the apocalypse, the second coming, or the fabled eschaton.

I don’t know the details of how this will happen. But speaking from experience as a recovering addict to negative states of mind, I can see the zombie like behavior in my peers. Our gadgets and social media are powerful drug-inducing devices. I have trouble myself not indulging in this kind of high.

But I admit daily that without help from a power greater than myself, I cannot manage my life. And I network with other people who choose not to push the button in their brains with negative and imaginary thoughts. I have to be vigilant over my behavior because I swam in pools of rage and resentment, purposefully triggering myself with thoughts of danger, doom, lack, and hatred for self and other. I was led out of this state by a spirit within me that continually told me that I still had hatred for God and myself within me. Finally, in a shamanic possession by the spirit of Neptune I was told that “being critical of other humans is the cause of misery.” I see now that only positive support of self and other can heal myself and our society.

In this way, one must love one’s enemy as oneself. One must abandon all angry criticism of self and other. And one must positively support fellow humans while also abstaining from reacting to the bait of the angry criticism from those still stuck in the compulsive trap of anger. Love is the only answer to our problems. But when we see anger and resentment as illogical and self-defeating we can enter a new state of peaceful joy and contentment. Is this easy? No. I was given every “legitimate” reason to be angry and loathing. I see now that this is my fate. Now that I am overcoming my delusion of legitimate anger by abandoning all self-pity, I can see how everyone can achieve this.

But really, “I” don’t achieve this. We achieve this. I surrender daily to the God of my understanding. Do I still feel pain? Yes! I have a chronic pain disorder that will randomly subject me to debilitating stings of pain. But I feel the pain and leave it at that. I still have to use my processes of therapy and structured social groups to address and free old pains and resentments from my mind and body. But each day has less and less residue of resentment. The pain of life remains. But now joy and peace are slowly eclipsing the pain of everyday life.

A story about a roller-coaster called separate self

Some thoughts I’ve been channeling lately:

It seems to me that life is a roller coaster, and the only way off of the roller-coaster is to realize that it never ends, and it goes for all eternity. If I can see that I am eternal and infinite, there ceases to be an “I” and just an “All” exists.

But this roller coaster is sneaky and sticky AF. In talking about it, I’ve committed myself to another ride on the imaginary roller-coaster. Posting about spirituality is part of the roller-coaster.

Waking to what Buddhists call Nirvana, is realizing it is a dream, choosing to unreact as the coaster goes UP and DOWN. Each day we might say “the roller-coaster that is the delusion of a separate self is not worth my attention, I’ll just focus on love and service and act as if all things are an eternal and infinite One” And each day we do this, it is like a little bit of a tall mountain is eroded by rainfall. When the mountain is gone, we awaken to blissful unity.

In practical terms, I cling to things like drugs, alcohol, food, sex, and more, thinking that they help me ride the roller coaster. After countless lives, the drugs, alcohol, food, sex, and more actually have created the roller coaster in the first place, not the other way around. It is only in backing out of this delusion that freedom is found.

But the delusion is not evil. It’s just a game. The lonely All splits into countless “separate” beings like a game of cosmic peek-a-boo. Hi there reader named All, this is the writer named All, *wink wink*

Haha. Weeeeeeee!! 🎢🤣

How to function in the Age of Aquarius, and why it matters.

I experienced a direct awareness of the infinite field of eternal potential on Solstice 2020, and much of what I experienced in December is flowering now although I have been very afraid and confused by my experiences. Many famous musician entities have visited me, including David Bowie, Prince, Jeff Buckley, and Jim Morrison. Jim Morrison looked at me in my mind’s eye, called me the initiator of the Aquarian age, Maitreya Buddha, and ran away. After that I realized that I would lose my attachments if I gave in to accepting this part of myself, the nondual awareness.

I can see that deity is expecting me to jump into my new way of being, above my resentments and anger. Last night I was visited by king neptune and my being was modified, a portion of my “brain” (left, front hemisphere) was removed and replaced with a new piece of brain. I was quite afraid but then I looked at my astrological transits and Neptune was exactly sextile my sun, to the arc minute. I pictured a three pointed, trident crown above my head. Neptune said that He and Jupiter are the same, and that Neptune is the chief God of the unseen in our solar system. The voice told me that Critical thought should not be applied to humans, only to tools and machines. Humans should be in a separate category from technology because the application of critical thought towards humans, reducing people to abstract, algebraic variables, results in misery.

Previously when Jim Morrison called me a Buddha, the logos told me that the Aquarian age will begin when a sufficient vehicle (human) agrees to carry the energy of Maitreya and become a world teacher of the Dharma and judge those who are wicked. In my third eye I saw Adolf Hitler cowering, shaking, and begging for mercy below my giant body. But they said if it wasn’t me then someone else would do it because “it always happens at the start of the Aquarian age. They also gave me a way to back out if I do not want it. I have a year to accept or deny, but the change has already been affected in me. There is a deep silence and peace within me.

Growing up in the protestant church I have a deep rooted fear of “dangerous” people like wild rock musicians, but I’m also drawn to it. I believe that blues/jazz/rock/soul etc are a new spiritual yoga that has risen with new forms of communication technology. The invention of the camera was 165 years ago at the start of the current Neptune cycle through the signs. We are seeing the culmination of that cycle with the proliferation of phones which have created a new medium of communication: communication by picture and video. This kind of communication requires that we have this thing in our heads called “my appearance” which is new to human society. We wonder why everyone is image obsessed but image is huge capital when communicating via picture or video.

When the first books and scrolls were invented and popularized over 2,000 years ago, the technology of communication by text became widespread. This necessitated the creation of a new type of human, a tolerant and peaceful person, because when communicating by text, one loses one’s physical characteristics and is transformed into an abstracted human. When one reads text, they don’t know the race or gender of the person writing, so they have to drop their tribal affiliations in order to be able to fully use the new medium. There became one kind of human, the writer, and one kind of God. This effect was not uniform and the effects of moving from the oral transmission of information to written transmission were more rapid in certain locations.

2,000 years later, the camera was invented and the notion of “picturesque” was made popular. This is what caused the “archaic revival” that Terence Mckenna spoke about. Film began to transmit body language and spoken word to the masses, among other qualities. Book based cultures essentially removed the in-person modes of communication in favor of text based values. So how do we live in a society that is transitioning from a book based society to an internet based society? Leo Leo Leo.

The “electric shaman” powered by microphones and amplifiers is the new spiritual mode of expression. This was first developed in the African American community as loud, emotional, and inspiring pastors in the churches that were a syncretism of protestantism and west african spiritual practices. The pastor archetype, which is very Leo AND Aquarian, turned into the blues singer, then the jazz musician, then the rock musician, etc. The Christ archetype of selfless service and cloistered meditation is really just humans modeling themselves after books in general. Books are held in special rooms to keep them safe, and they freely give their wisdom to anyone who reads them. This modeling of humans after sacred books is the Virgo element of the Pisces/Virgo age’s archetype model. We can see that Piscean religions like Christianity, Islam, and Taoism are obsessed with sacred scriptures.

But the Pisces/Virgo model is now broken because of the invention of new communications technology including cameras, video, phones, memes, and finally the internet, which is the Aquarian Age. Now that we live in a thoroughly Aquarian world, we inherently know that we are one of an infinite number of beings. The Pisces mission has been fulfilled.

Over the current Neptune cycle, we can see where the future is going with the birth of new Media and the absolute ubiquity of media now. We must embrace the wild, self-assured, bright, solar part of ourselves and drop the part obsessed with purity and selflessness. Selflessness doesn’t make sense in a world where you know you are small. Selflessness was meant for the Aries age population that was still obsessed with being the dominator archetype. But in the Aquarian age, because the way that we communicate and the way we perceive ourselves has changed so radically, we all need to be David Bowie on some level. We all need to play with our identity and experiment with dissolving it using psychedelic drugs and new forms of artistic expression meant to lift up humanity.

Someone like Miles Davis is also a great archetype. Jazz musicians are the cosmic Leos dancing around the sophisticated systems of music (Aquarius) with careless ease.  Rappers understand that flow and improvisation are divine. It is not so much the product that they create but the process of improvising which teaches us that we have an innate ability to dance around the complex systems of the Aquarian age.

When we don’t let the Leo energy positively express itself, people seek out negative Leo energy so that they don’t feel so small under the weight of the oppressive structures we have constructed which govern human life. This is why Donald Trump was so popular with his base of people that were fearing being swallowed up in Aquarian anonymity. People will cheer for dark Leo archetypes in the absence of positive Leo archetypes as long as we use modern communications technology, in my view. When we don’t allow for fun at the expense of order and safety, madness will ensue.

With each astrological age, one of the 12 energies of the zodiac are highlighted. Aquarius energy began in the US and French revolutions as a way of diminishing the power of kings (Leo) that had become mad or corrupt. We decided that each person should have a small amount of the Leo energy, and each human should rule over their own lives. This decreased the visible Leo energy dramatically, but in its place new Leo forms took place, including organized sports, the popular performing arts, and celebrities (which are called stars, aligning with Leo’s ruling body, the Sun). This in effect has transformed the madness of territorial kings, bent on global domination. The Leo impulse to dominate has been virtualized into things like basketball and football, which are largely civil and bounded by rules.

Fear not! Cast off your suit of purity and jump into the “devil” of self-expression. Rock and roll is only equated with the devil because the Piscean religions were designed to eliminate the notion of a separate self from the previous Age of Aries, but many of the things associated with the Age of Aries (think Roman paganism, Greek pansexuality, and gladatorial combat) are reemerging in virtualized or game formats. Aquarius and Aries are sextile and both yang energies. Every time a new age begins, the age before the last one comes back in a modified form. This happened when the Pisces age began, bringing back Taurus Age mysticism but making it for the all and not just for the individual.

That’s all I have to say for now. I’ve had trouble posting these theories because they have been growing within me. So I’ll just post this as is, fully improvised, just like Leo would do!

What is “enlightenment” and how can we achieve it? Here’s one possible way

From my limited experience, my hypothesis of a way to become “enlightened” is to imagine that your chains will never be broken, you will never be free, and you will always be tormented. Then get ok with that. Once that striving part of you is dead, you will still strive, but not in a delusional “I’m going to finally be bigger than my enemies!” kinda way.

What is enlightenment? It is peace enough to be able to love everything and everyone. What is it not? Getting the magic answer to take your pain away, unless your pain is caused by neurotic striving, which it very well might be.

And achieving enlightenment is not imperative. It’s just a return to where you were before you convinced yourself that you are alone and separate. It’s an end to the game, and honestly, people like the game. God likes the game. It’s not inherently a bad thing to be in this game.

But inside of us is this crystallized voice that will say until death that this “IS NOT A GAME MOTHERFUCKER!!” You know that voice. It’s a game, and you can tell the voice that “we’ll always be chained, we’ll never be free, and we will always be tormented.”

The voice will work on convincing you for decades if you take that stance. And it’s a good fucking lawyer. Give up and die to this idea of “beating the game.” Then you’ll realize that your striving was the window blinds, and now the light can get in, and that the light was in your heart the whole time. Your mind just drew the shades because it was threatened.

The unadorned heart

The unadorned heart
illegal that it is
sits behind bars
with grace and joy
while
The adorning mind
dictator that it is
edits all the letters
the simple heart sends

WRONG! CRAZY!
COLOR IN THE LINES!
MORE OF THAT!
GARBAGE!
cries the mind to the smiling heart

a fool believes infinity
can be bound and sold
but oh the mind will not stop trying
to package love until the jailing mind
is old
and dies

and then the heart will pass through the bars
and disappear
because it was never chained
it was here because of eternal love
the insecure mind only deluded in its “ownership”
of the smiling, all-is-one,
unadorned heart

My separateness is now a broken water balloon, submerged in the infinite water it once tried to contain. Here is a false account of how that happened.

Some thoughts on acceptance that I’ve recently witnessed:

When someone speaks a sentence to us, such as, “the sky is blue,” we assume that our two response paths are to agree or to disagree. “No! The sky is indeed chartreuse!” OR “Yes, I agree, the sky is blue.” However, both disagreement and agreement are a form of domination and separation because they invoke the construct of “I” as in “I agree with what YOU are saying” or “I disagree with YOU.” We tend to think that agreement is a form of connection, but it is more of a treaty between parties, establishing a kind of parallel congruence of perspective. “We both separately have a similar perspective” is another way of phrasing it and better expresses the true nature of agreement.

There is always the third option, silence or receptivity. Not taking a stand either for or against what has been communicated to us is a response in itself, but the mind cannot “thing” it, so it tends to disregard it as useless and essentially avoidant of what the mind sees as its duty to respond. With receptivity, the heart invokes the infinite response: acceptance. Instead of trying to contain what the person has spoken to us, we just let what was expressed fly around, watching the words that have been spoken.

This is not a bear

But to the mind, neutrality is perceived as a kind of death because it cannot be held conceptually in the mind. It is too big for the mind, and in reality, it is infinite, beyond form. This is symbolized by the second hexagram in the Chinese Yi Jing: The Receptive, The Primordial Yin, The Great Mother. This is the obscured truth in sayings like “being reborn in the spirit” or “dying to the flesh in order to attain to eternal life.” If we can pause agreement or disagreement, the infinite is allowed to exist. When we decide to agree or disagree, we look at the metaphorical clouds in the sky and say “that cloud looks like a lion” or “that cloud looks like a bear.” A concept of a lion or bear is just an icon on your desktop; it is not the application itself. It is a crude reduction of a bear in the world to a stick figure abstraction in our heads.

This is also part of the truth of the Zen Koan: “If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.” The Buddha nature is beyond form, beyond words; it is like a bird that has broken out of the egg (form or word) and is now free to fly around. You if you can contain a “Buddha” in your head as a concept, it is not the real Buddha, and you should throw away the concept. When it was contained within the metaphorical eggshell, it was finite.

When we break out of our finite shells, the mind goes nuts because it loses all of its power to contain and trap those bears and lions floating in the sky. But in reality, it never did trap those things. Words and forms are never static. The mind deludes itself into thinking that it can trap things in cages called words because it believes itself to be a contained thing, a separate “mind” which is predictably “better” than other minds if you ask its rank.

This is not my ego

Last night, I had a vision last night that I was in a giant pool, and then I was the water, all of the water, beyond measurement. And then I was actually with God or the Primordial Yang, the Creative. But I had to kill the idea of self. I can’t describe it in full because words are finite, and I experienced infinity. At first, I was a giant water balloon, stressed to enormous capacity. And then I was inverted, or I was unbounded. And so, from now on I want to use the word Unbound for God, because it is more appropriate.

I also had a vision of the infinite field of reality, and I saw faces on the field, and they were individuals that had submitted to the divine internal marriage between self and the divine. They merged with the field itself, not the image on top of the field. They had stopped being the human shaped cloud, and had become the infinite sky. In this way, by cracking the egg that contained them, they became beyond form. And in this way, they had attained to heaven and are now infinite and eternal. In this way, I am eternal. However, that sentence is wrong. Eternal is. I am the egg that was broken. I am the one who has gone, the tathāgata, of the Hindus and Buddhists. So, one does not attain to heaven or attain to eternal life. One unattains being bound, closed, to take flight as the Unbound and infinite.

Butterflies aren’t real

And yet, all humans are born infinite. They think themselves bound and contained, but this containment is a dictatorship of the mind and is a delusion. We are caterpillars who have forgotten their butterfly and moth nature. We are fully formed birds, who make ourselves in the shape of eggs to appease the demands of a gaslighting mind. We walk the Earth, bemoaning that we, like Pinocchio, are not real boys, when all along, we have always been fully real, merely deluded into believing ourselves as separate, compulsively trying to find others to manipulate into mirroring our delusion of separateness back to us.

May you first know of the Unbound in measure. Then may you be a fully empty vessel, a contained jar of the Unbound, which is formless and empty to the mind. And lastly, may you smash the shell of the jar in your mind, receive the Unbound as a lover, and become infinite and eternal. This is a journey like that of Frodo in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, who must return the ring of separateness to the fires of Mount Doom. The journey destroy’s his mind’s ability to maintain the delusion of separation, the trollish Gollum serving to illustrate the mind’s delusion at full force.

The mind will warn you vociferously that becoming infinite means being annihilated, but this is because the mind cannot see beyond the event horizon of the black hole of infinity. What is on the other side of the event horizon? Peace. The heart can see beyond the event horizon. May you follow it mindlessly to silence, receptivity, peace, and eternity, never to return.

Lastly, what you have just read is full of lies. The unbound is beyond verification. These words are a stick figure of truth, a crude imitation of the art of truth, purchased at the gift shop on the way out of the museum of the Unbound. May they point you toward truth as I have been so directed.

Deep lessons learned through loss, the Reader’s Digest version.

I think one of the best lessons I’ve learned while living in hardship is that you can always see the stars. You can always see the heavens, even when you are trapped in the mud or the gutter. You can feel real divinity and happiness and joy no matter how poor you are. You can feel peace no matter how many walls exist in front of you. Usually, we do that through our profession. We reach for the stars and find inner purpose in life through small tasks of seemingly benign averageness. I reach because I need to. I’ve survived so much deprivation. So, I have been broken down by grief. And now, I feel liberated. And so I reach. And I feel another hand reaching down.