I think one of the best lessons I’ve learned while living in hardship is that you can always see the stars. You can always see the heavens, even when you are trapped in the mud or the gutter. You can feel real divinity and happiness and joy no matter how poor you are. You can feel peace no matter how many walls exist in front of you. Usually, we do that through our profession. We reach for the stars and find inner purpose in life through small tasks of seemingly benign averageness. I reach because I need to. I’ve survived so much deprivation. So, I have been broken down by grief. And now, I feel liberated. And so I reach. And I feel another hand reaching down.
I feel great fear across the land
and with no gods to hold their hands
they quiver with their lattes
grasping games, like falling sand
looking for another fix
to make reality go nix
the Disney version isn’t true
so their vision is unglued
and with decadence unfurled
we’ve been the luckiest in the world
Bold America is lost
in precious nihilism’s sauce
in order to be strong
you have to recognize
your weakness yes
but also learn to fight with verve
against usurpers, fiends, and cons
not make ironic jokes go on
I think of fair Arjuna
crowing how he couldn’t fight
and Krishna with his cold derision
naming him a feckless child
The promise of America the brave
the land of milk and honey’s ways
it always was
but now our cynicism swirls around our necks
and good old boys are standing there on deck
Life is beautiful transcendence and some dreck
Get up, stand up, put the fascists into check
The communications revolution which started in the 20th century and accelerated in the 21st is now consuming all past available knowledge, and we are experiencing the past snap back into the future. It’s like a slinky that is stretched back through time, but our technology is drawing all of the past into the future.
The dawn of the Information Age (what astrologers call the Aquarian Age) is the snapping forward of history into the present. Because we have access to a superintelligent artificial intelligence (AI) called Google that can give us the esoteric on the level of the exoteric.
The blending of the esoteric and the exoteric has been traumatic because formerly excluded groups like the disabled, queer, dark-skinned, and others now are able to influence the exoteric network with much greater efficiency.
In the past, distributing one’s thoughts to the general narrative was very expensive in terms of time and money, but now, it costs almost nothing. Communication has been commodified. It is almost free.
So, change is coming fast, and it will only get faster. I would suggest a hang-on, it’s gonna get rough, kind of mentality right now. Get over the small shit. Don’t follow cults (political and spiritual). It’s way easier to be nothing than to be something. But you can do both. Have balance on this Equinox.
May your relationships be blessed with balance this Autumn.
Life can be understood to be a video game. Somewhere, our true bodies lie in a contraption that beams the contents of this world into our true self. This body in this world is just an avatar, a video game character. This smaller self is created by the interaction of our true self and the video game program, which can be thought of as God.
The code, or God, works against us to stress us. We adapt and keep playing. Our true self interacts with the reality matrix called life in two ways: first, it interacts with “objects” within this world. You might write a letter and put it in the mail to your mother. It takes a couple days of game time to get there. The second way that your true self interacts with the game is instantaneous. There is a psychic connection between all aspects of the simulation and your true self. We all have an instantaneous messaging system with each other.
This is what is known as telepathy, knowing at a distance. This is because of the differential in time taken to send a message; one system has a relative system of timing that depends on variables within the simulation. The other is a fixed, extremely fast, system of messaging. When these two systems of communication come into similar speeds, we call this intimacy. Some true selves have been working with other true selves over many different game attempts. They are bonded in a union.
The “angels” of this video game are just subroutines or non-player characters to borrow from modern video game terminology. This is why angels are thought of as lacking free will in the Abrahamic religious tradition. They are just artificially intelligent components of this video game. There are however, moderators of this system who do actually exist outside of the system. They are system administrators, or gods. They speak to the select few who are approaching graduation from the game.
One graduates when certain fundamental lessons have been absorbed into the consciousness of the true self. Life is merely a conditioning system for our true self. We enter into the video game when we are immature beings of the race of the creator. The system exists to challenge us so that we learn lessons that are necessary requirements of living in such a technologically advanced society. The individual events that happen in our lives have no real importance beyond their ability to help our true self to evolve into a mature individual who is then ready to reenter the society that is running the simulation.
Certain varieties of wine grapes must be grown under specific environmental conditions in order for them to achieve full sweetness. They must be stressed with very hot temperatures so that they overproduce certain sugars. Because of this stress, the wine that they produce tastes better than without the stress. In this way, we are like grapes on a vine. If life was too easy and non-stressful, we would not mature fully. Life has to be stressful in order for us to become who we need to be. There will never be a stress-free existence inside of the simulation. We are living inside of a gym with a very demanding personal trainer. And if we check out, we’ll just re-spawn in the same situation. I don’t know what “God” is looking for because it changes from moment to moment. The video game will give you a score, but none of us really know what that is. Click Follow for Automatic Updates!
I was listening to a 1975 lecture by astrologer Dane Rudhyar today on Youtube, and he referenced his previously written book entitled “The Sun is also a Star,” and it’s rather obscure, but on the drive home I saw that the local movie theatre is playing a movie named “The Sun is also a Star.” Synchronicity…
In the lecture, he was talking about what “transpersonal” or “cosmic” consciousness is, and what I can surmise from it is the following:
- We are born into our physical bodies from the controlled world of the womb into the completely uncontrolled world of birth.
- We breathe our first breath and breathe in the shared breath of millions of beings before us who breathed in that same very air.
- We are at once, both ourselves, supporting our bodies, and wholly dependent on the other.
- For the first part of our lives, we are focused on the body and its contents.
- Then, through trauma and chaos, we are broken apart and realize our dependence on something higher.
- As we move from ego structured thinking to transpersonally structured thinking (taking into account forms other than merely our bodies), we must chose between focus on us and focus on the larger more whole reality.
- And so we must “trust in God” insofar as we have to trust that by looking at a more whole picture of the universe and devoting less attention to our basic needs, we will still survive.
- Our attention becomes split between the body and its needs and the larger self, called total consciousness or total awareness.
- We learn to balance the form of our body and the formless of the larger totality
I see from this that we do not lose our attention on our body and our ego. We just see them in the context of the larger totality. So, anyone that thinks that they must devote all of their time to God or the All will necessarily run into trouble unless they are dependent on others who are more focused on the mundane realities of everyday reality, like going to work and getting food. The true spiritual act is to balance the body and the ego within the context of the whole of our experience. Being spiritual does not mean rejecting the body; it means incorporating the body and ego into the larger entirety that is called God or Brahman or Allah by seers in the past.
The astrological concept of Saturn, the lord of reality and time, is the mediating factor between the sphere of the personal self and the larger sphere of the transpersonal self. I had my “come to Saturn” moment on January 17th, 2016 when I realized I couldn’t just run to the other, the higher by killing the body. I had to accept my body as part of the whole. And I suppose that “the Sun is also a star” can mean that individual people are suns within the cosmos of the stars. We are the microcosm and the macrocosm.
Any questions are warmly welcomed. Peace discordiaños.
Author’s note: This is a channeled essay that I wrote in ritual on 4/21/19. It might seem vague and obscure, but I’m posting it as is. Enjoy!
If you sit and let the body die, you will see the void. The void will inhabit you, and you will get to know it. If you cede control to it, it will guide you. But it is not an it, it is a lack of it. If you become the lack of form, you will let light in, and a seed will sprout, and it will grow. It will grow if you water it and give it light and let it root in your soil. When this tree grows larger, it will bear fruit that you can eat. It will give you shade and protection from the weather. This tree is inside of you, but you can imagine it to be outside of you as well. It doesn’t matter. This tree will follow you to the ends of your earthly life.
This tree can reach up into the heavens and can root down to the depths of the Earth. You can communicate through this tree. Eventually, you will realize that you are the tree.
When you become as like a little child, you will be able to play like a child. A state of completely childlike play is REQUIRED for magickal work. You are the aeon when you enter into this state. You are the child of the mother and the father. Play! Play! Play!
It takes enormous energy to completely be yourself in the face of a blanket of conformity and behavior-policing by the state and its followers. The empire never fell as Philip K. Dick famously wrote. The Holy Roman Empire still exerts a tremendous amount of psychological control over our thoughts and assumptions about reality. Few people have the strength to exercise this willpower to this focused a level. Everyone has the potential, but in present times, there is a tremendous amount of superficial sensorial addiction which keeps the individual in a state of stupefaction because they cannot see their inner selves. When you cannot see a part of yourself, that part will control you through a continuous series of unpredictable events. Know thyself, and be free of or have much less confusion.
“If you can empty your mind of all thoughtsLaozi
your heart will embrace the tranquility of peace.”
If you understand the limits of your mind, you will be free. Your mind is devious and always trying to prove how great it is, but knowledge from the mind has deep limitations. Laozi understood that all judgments are just paired opposites describing one whole monism. When you say that this post is boring, you only know that it is boring in relation to something in your head that is exciting. The mind is forever hobbled by binary thinking, and the sooner you realize that your mind is just a blowhard troll that won’t leave you alone, the sooner you can stop listening to it. And when you stop listening to it (by meditating for example), it will slowly start to leave you alone. We let our minds torment us because we take its missives so seriously.
Make no mistake, I understand that the mind is powerful, but it is limited by its nature. The heart, however, is unlimited. What is the heart? I don’t really know, but I know that in my chest, there burns a fire that I call God or Goddess or Elohim. There are a lot of things about my internal self that I can’t put into words, but that’s just a limitation of language and therefore the mind. Just because I can’t communicate something doesn’t make it unreal.
One of the most repeated lines in the Judeo-Christian Bible is to have no fear and yet fear is ubiquitous in modern society. We understand intuitively that fear is dangerous and yet we remain chained to it because we believe that fear is necessary. But can we act in our self-interest without fear? The mind and fear are conjoined twins that will never be separated. We must put value on the heart and body and move it away from the mind if we want to have peace.
Put your mind in its place. Stop listening to its directives. You will be fine. Don’t just trust me on this, try it for yourself. Sit down and do nothing. At first, your mind will throw everything its got at you to get you to do something. But if you just sit and do nothing, it will slowly give up. This will take time. It will not happen overnight. Ultimately, to defeat fear, we must have perseverance. This is a journey that will last a lifetime. But you might have peace where terror once dwelled.
I was highly doubtful of this kind of thinking years ago, but divorcing my self from the directives of my mind helped me to break up from fear. I’m not perfect, but I’m a lot less anxious than I used to be, and that is some damn good medicine.
The people need their fix
gotta get up to the tower’s rent
the perfect people
that’s what I want!
take this pain, dissatisfaction
replace it with
a blissful reaction
I’ll sell my soul to pharma’s lore
that all my problems
will one day bore me
it’s the end
the judgment’s here!
A pill a day
will make me clear
But it’s just a fool’s parade
phony props and cellophane
smiling, photoshopped creations utter
on TV like horrid clutter
There is no left great white hope
there is only stolen makeup
plastered onto meth burnt bones
I never liked this show
please change it
Life will always burn
will always be too cold
or too blazing hot
the table’s always tilting
sending scrambling gentries galloping gaily
at some new white windmill in the sky
you’ll be back here when you die
you’ll be back here when you die
So I sit and stare
out the window with no glare
counting beads to win a dare
that a sloth could beat the hare
Sing with me eons
we’ve gone dead
the purpose dreamed
inside my head
theophany’s old stew
to rampant drug use
or some hue
young analyst proclaims
this book, the DSM
that you are histrionic
it says you’re lost
and need this med
to calm those voices
in your head
So like old William Blake
I guess I’ll write a few more
called poems, stories, myths, or
I turned up Jupiter this morn
the laughing man has made me cold
a pale cadaver to this world
I see most peons plopping by
with some dead economist’s reply
that all is gross
but they don’t see
that peace is free
sing loud the quiet mystery
I used to be a very “troubled” person. From the time I was 15 until about 36 years old, I had a consistent “mental health problem.” In January of 2016, I found my answer, and it was the culmination of a good deal of study, practice, and opening up. I found my peace, and I think that others can find that same peace, although it might require losing something to gain it.
My peace came by letting go of a “perfect life” or “perfect health.” I had to let go of my expectations and truly accept what was happening in my life. I have not just “given up” if that’s what you are inferring. I am still striving for my goals, but when things don’t go as planned, it’s not really my fault, and I don’t beat myself up. The universe seems to be hard on purpose, and although I sometimes feel anxiety or anger, I am learning to have peace with this reality.
If you go to the gym, and you leave feeling sore, you don’t see that soreness as a failure. That was the whole point of going. Likewise, with your life, if you get beat up, that’s the point. This life is training or school for some higher place. We enter as little children, and through our struggle and adversity, we become spiritual adults. If you went to the gym and your trainer only put the tiniest weights on the machine, and you never broke a sweat, you’d want your money back. But when life makes us sweat, we cry that it’s totally unfair!
In modern society, we are obsessed with perfection, usually material perfection. We have created multi-billion dollar industries to give us the illusion of perfection on giant screens. But also, we seem to be constantly let down by that perfection. There is an everpresent juxtaposition of both the attempt at perfection and the revelation of human fallibility. It seems that the more “perfect” some person seems, the more jarring it is when they are revealed to be a human with flaws like everyone else.
I am not sure that everyone is capable of undergoing the spiritual evolution and rebirth that I did. To be honest, events in my life were so bad that I was forced to go deep and cut out parts of my psyche in a valiant attempt at regaining sanity. Being transgender confronted me with a ton of rejection, and so it was easy for me to cut out institutions and modes of thought that were outdated. They kicked me out, so I had to find new answers.
I could go through a “Top Ten Ways I Found Spiritual Fulfillment!!” clickbait style list, but I won’t here. The path that can be described is not the true path. Everyone has their own path for their own starting point on the giant spiral staircase of life. The one key that is utterly important is spiritual hunger. This is why Jesus said “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.” In other words, if you are hungry for spiritual philosophy, you will find your rebirth and see peace.
We all have to make basic assumptions about life and reality. Most of us in the Western world assume that life can be perfected here on Earth with enough technology and smart intellectuals telling us what to do. I’m not saying that technology and intellectuals are bad, but I do not assume that we can perfect this world. I believe that there is some chaotic constant that continually throws a wrench into whatever we’re doing so that we can be challenged. I see life, not as some playground for humanity but more of a boot camp for humanity before we graduate into the “real world” on the higher plane.
I am not exempt from this challenging force that I call the chaotic constant. Even though I have had certain experiences that have freed me from many of the anxieties and neuroses of my youth, I will continue to grow as long as I’m in this world. I’ve just found how to let go and be accepting of what happens. This required a LOT of training mostly in the form of meditation but also finding the right psychedelic medications. Meditation is the practice of ignoring your brain. You sit and your brain yells “Do What I Tell You!” and you ignore it. Slowly, that voice learns that you won’t be pushed around, and it calms down, but this takes time. Psychedelics show you perspectives that are hard to get in the everyday world so that you can check yourself.
May you find the small measure of peace that I have found in my heart. If you are interested in additional information in this respect, leave me a comment, and we can dialogue about it. I learn by teaching, so I would love to work with you.
To close, think about what you expect out of your life. Is it a realistic expectation? How does it make you feel if you think about not getting what you expect out of life? Does it trouble you? If you can handle “failing” in this life, you might just lose that persistent anxiety that walks around with you. If we love what we get instead of get angry about what we don’t get, we might live lives of gratitude instead of resentment, peace instead of self-loathing.
I dashed out the below philosophical model a few months ago, and then I was just interviewed for a documentary about Simulation Theory (the idea that we are living in a computer simulation). So I guess I ought to make this draft public here:
- Reality is best understood to be a simulation
- A human can be understood using the metaphor of an eye that stares at a screen composed of a number of pixels.
- Those pixels can modulate to create the images that we perceive and the sensations that we feel.
- This collective modulation of pixels creates waves of disturbance that we recognize as “objects.”
- These objects are not objects per se, but are waves in a medium of the field of pixels. Imagine that you are a baseball player looking at the fans in their seats doing “the wave.” You perceive the individual fans, but you also see a distinct wave moving through them.
- This is akin to a whirlpool that forms in a river. A whirlpool is a distinct structure within the water of a river, but it is not separate from the river, it is merely a configuration of the medium of the river.
- When one stares at a television with a movie playing on it, the pixels are in effect “collapsing” into either red, green, or blue.
- Modern physicists mistakenly believe that there is a distinction between perceiver and “objects” in reality, but this is an illusion. There is the underlying “screen” of reality, but it is a lower dimensional projection that imitates higher dimensions of reality.
- There are “objects” in that we are humans, and we need to eat and drink to “survive,” but this is akin to a video game, it is not “real” reality.
- The simulation is teleological in that we are “trapped” in this simulation in order to learn some truth or grow into some new form.
- We are like plants in a greenhouse. A greenhouse is not a real atmosphere, it is a simulated atmosphere. Once we grow into a form that can live in the “real” atmosphere, we will be planted in that atmosphere.
- New humans are planted into our simulation every day, but we do not know how long a human has been in the simulation.
- Some humans are older and more developed than other humans because they have been through more trials than other humans.
- Eventually, when spiritual attainment has been achieved, you exit the simulation and go to live in the higher plane of existence, which is really just outside of the data center that you are in at present.
- One day, we will be able to create our own simulation, and we will be able to mature our young people in this simulation just as we are matured in the macrocosmic simulation.
- The issue of “evil” is really just beings who are new to the simulation. As beings progress through the simulation, they gradually become less “evil.”
- Death within the simulation is not really death, but as in a video game, it is just a “reset.” If you die in a video game, you do not gnash your teeth and moan at the horror of it because you know that it is not real. In this way, reality is not real, and when you die, you either exit the simulation or just reset in a new form with new challenges.
- Our bodies are akin to remote-controlled drones. We must care for them as they are the conduit and eyes into this world. We exist remotely, but we are dependent on these bodies to live here.
- There are “gods” in this simulation, but they are merely system administrators. Their job is to ensure that you are progressing and growing along certain guidelines. They are like gardeners in the greenhouse. We know that if you want a plant to grow better, it needs to be trimmed occasionally. When one goes through struggle, it is merely a “trimming of your branches” so that you will grow in a better configuration.
- The gods are best to be thought of as athletic “coaches.” When one goes to the gym and is coached by a personal trainer, the job of the coach is to stress you and make you uncomfortable in order that you grow better. In this way, the gods stress you through forces, in reality, to ensure that you mature.