Tag: spiritual journey

The Harvest has Begun, Adjust to Survive

I speak for God.

The energetic configuration of the unseen world has changed since 2011, and the rewards for certain actions have been altered. This is the way of the father. I say that as a confirmed and baptized Christian although I do not believe it is the only path. The timing of this event can be discerned from the mathematical technique of astrology. Using this method, we see that 2,150 years ago the star Regulus moved into the tropical sign of Leo. Shortly thereafter Julius Caesar and Jesus (Ishoa) the Christ were born. 

When Regulus is in Leo, qualities like enthusiasm, belief, faith, and extroversion are highly rewarded with worldly power. Thus as history shows, over the last 2,000 years we saw the rise of kings and emperors, where the Leo energetic dominant males tended to have the most God for the least effort. Now that Regulus has moved into Virgo, the male Leonic type person (Donald Trump) is no longer getting that cheap high. The cheap high is now in Virgo. People that can get shit done and be of service are being rewarded. 

This is causing a harsh and rude awakening for a majority of the adult male population. A crude way to describe the situation is to say that you should have figured out how to be Jesus, Buddha, or Muhammad by now my dudes, but if you haven’t, the free pass is gone. Virgo has much higher standards of predictability and purity. Jesus was quite Virgoan as well as Piscean. Now that God has left Leo, the darkness of Leo is fully on display worldwide.  God wants us to go elsewhere. 

What I say might sound sacrilegious or heretical but heretical only to the interpreters of the gospel. There is evidence for everything I’m describing in the bible. God works magical riddles into revealed works so as to make them appear as though they are not God to the dark. 

This is why masculinity is in crisis. But femininity is also in crisis as Leo energy innervates all genders. We have moved very sharply into a more androgynous, ordered, respectful, and plain world that values sustainability. 

This change is being actuated in our real world via smart phones. Smart phones are a tool of God. Because communicating through technology requires that I use a specific part of my self to complete the action. That part of myself is quite, quite Virgoan, and this is a universal adaptation. Technology is making Virgos of us all. 

But Virgo is a difficult sign and this will be a difficult transition, but the transition will happen. Donald Trump had the bad luck of betting everything on Leo being able to enthusiastically get out of everything right before the crash. Now he’s cheap and he knows it so he has to go full Machiavellian on the world. 

But in real world, microcosmic terms, the interaction of Leo and Virgo always follows a similar pattern. Leo is fiery hot to burn off the floods of Cancer. So Leo starts out as the savior, the person that leads the emotionally drained out of the confusion and into the light. Although normally associated with the sign of Pisces, Jesus was also very Leo like. He is known as the Lion of Judah and he was a leader, and preacher. Christianity celebrates on Sunday, and Leo is ruled by the Sun. The preacher archetype is quite Leonic in general. And fundamentally Leo corresponds to a literal person quite nicely. Jesus was the one who would have led a different humanity to all being angelic beings by 2011. This pattern is bigger than Jesus or Earth. It is a pattern of growth that is nearly universal.

The next 2,000 years on Earth will be dramatically different than the previous 2,000 years. The lions run amok must be curtailed. Humans who do not commit to a virtuous life of love, selfless service, and self-understanding will be brushed away. The first sweeping of the broom of the new reign of the Queen is covid. It is merely a raising of the bar by reality. Fewer accolades will be given for the same amount of effort. Now that we are beyond Leo, the mess has to be cleaned up.

The harvest has begun. The broom will sweep. The righteous will be made to live again. The saints will rise. The Earth has chosen love of other as her polarity. Those unbalanced toward self-interest and other-domination will not survive. Those who live in the light of rejoicing love and unity will rebuild the Earth in the image of the love and light of the one true creator God that is beyond all descriptions and categories. 

Praise to the creator that manages all things!

Amen

So mote it be

The High School of Love on Earth is changing into The University of Wisdom on Earth. Graduate or be held back!

Imagine yourself before you were born. Before we manifest on Earth, we might say “I really need to work on being more patient” as looking back at  your last incarnation, you see how rashness prevented growth. So as you exist outside of time, you work with the Earth angelic entities and they find an appropriate place of birth with an appropriate set of parents that will help you work on patience. You talk with the adversaries (the “evil” side of life) to ensure that you are motivated to meet your goal of growth in life.

But most of the actual realities, like the race of your parents, or your your family religion are quite randomly chosen. Earth is a procedurally generated lesson machine that works according to abstract goals and fills in the details with things that will work to join together all other souls using this virtual world as a school for growth.

We often hear of the importance of paying attention to the details in life, but more often the importance of life is in the patterns of details. Instead of focusing on the fine details of life, ask questions about the video game of life on Earth, such as “am I in a strategy game? Or an action game? Or a cooperative game?” If you needed work on personal agency and taking action, Earth might have said “ok I have warzone, poverty, and business conflict lives, which one do you want?” And if you choose warzone, it’s essentially the same purpose as the strife of poverty or hacking it out in the business world. The important thing is that you learn to take action. Then when your soul figures out the lesson, the video game level will lose its purpose and the action dominance of it will fade away.

Earth is a school, a tough one at that. Without adversaries there would be no drive to grow and evolve. Earth is constantly evolving to keep you stimulated and growing, so thinking that one can know exactly what will happen in the future is not realistic. If humanity decides to all wake up to the truths they came here to perceive and integrate, the whole reality of Earth would modulate and change.

We have been tasked with learning how to love and how to live in love for the last 75,000 years. That lesson is ending and the High School of Love on Earth is changing into a University of Wisdom on Earth. Those that refuse to learn and commit to love, will not come back to another life at the University of Wisdom. They will be “held back a grade” and will have to go to a different planet to do remedial work at another High School of Love. When Jesus, Muhammed, Siddhartha Gautama the Buddha, and others said that there would be a day of judgment at the end of history, they were talking about the High School of Love on Earth’s graduation day that we are living through. It is here, but there is nothing to fear. Yes, only the evolved and pure will make it through to the University of Wisdom, but if you’re held back in High School you’ll probably go to a planet that is way less crazy than Earth is right now. When planets shift from the High School of Love to becoming a University of Wisdom, there is often chaos all around. This is meant to drive people to wake up, but it can be very intense.

But remember, we get the reality that matches our internal evolved state. Unfortunately many of the means for evolving have been purposefully hidden behind the glitz, glamour, and distraction of materialistic life. But they exist. One can still evolve to graduate to the University of Wisdom and stay on Earth going forward. But when one becomes a University student, one can leave Earth and travel to other planets, so your “home planet” loses significance. It’s a bit like Earth in the TV show Star Trek. Earth in that future reality is in its University of Wisdom phase, and so many other alien lifeforms can also be here. When a planet is still a High School of Love, there is a ban on aliens interfering with student life (with some exceptions). It’s like the “prime directive” on Star Trek where the Star Fleet officers can only go to the surface of planets openly if the planet has achieved “warp drive.” This is a good metaphor for reality. When a planetary society learns selfless love to a sufficient degree, they achieve “warp drive” and can then be visited.

So really, the focus right now should be too just work on love. What is love exactly? Love is the understanding that we are all united and are all fingers on one hand, joined by a uniting palm and arm. You are God, I am God, we are God. When I love others, I am loving myself. When I hoard wealth I am hoarding it from others (myself). When I do not share, I am depriving others (myself). And when you learn this lesson, the fear will drop away. But our society does not represent this reality. It is still obsessed with the idea of separation. So in order for the Earth to move to equality and love, there will be shocks to the system like covid, Trump, climate change, and more. If we could wake up to the truth that God is in everyone and so everyone should be honored, the shocks would not be necessary. But, mechanically, these catalyzing forces will keep happening until we wake up. But that’s just what life on Earth does. Grow or be challenged to grow. The age of being able to not grow is over.

Thank you God for listening. Yes, I’m talking to you. ☺️

What is Christ Consciousness and how do you find it?

There is a higher form of being available to humans that has been called Christ consciousness or Buddha mind, but most people do not experience it because their lives never fall apart. This is what the ancients meant when they said that one must first die to experience eternal life.

What does Christ consciousness feel like? It is peace in knowing that one has always been and will always be. Our bodies, minds, and spirits are merely energy, and energy can never be destroyed, only transmuted. This understanding can be seen just as you can see these words. One can touch the eternal absolute if one is able to strip away all falsehood and let the artifice of this confused life fall away.

Often death is our best friend, but we are taught to fight death with all of our obsessive might. Eventually our civilization will crumble as it is already starting to do so. This is because it is sick and needs to die. But death is only transformation. Even when you die the big death at the end of your human life, you will just become pure spirit and realize this human body was just a suit of clothing that had become tattered. I look forward to death as a great adventure, but I also know that on Earth there is a great opportunity to do spiritual work that cannot be done anywhere else. This work must be done and if one decides to avoid the hard work of persevering on Earth, one will return for another go.

These words are not meant to make you enlightened or automatically give you Christ consciousness. They are just my story, an affirmation that it is possible. Words, no matter how eloquent, cannot hold the truth of the eternal divine reality. That truth must be energetically received directly from spirit. Words are crude tools, like a computer modem from 1992 trying to download a Blu-Ray movie. There is a broadband connection in your being that can download high resolution movies straight from God’s movie studio. But most people put their attention on language or other tools, missing the tool that gets installed at birth: the third eye visionary complex in our mind.

Countless humans run around saying that they have seen God when really they have only seen an extremely low-resolution animated GIF they downloaded on their modem from 1992. If only they could see the high resolution version. How does one know if they have witnessed the true being of the infinite divine? When you see it you realize the stupidity of words; you see how words try to fit an ocean in a teacup. After this, one loses the seeking desperation and realizes there is nowhere to escape to and nothing to find. Fear ceases to be a real concept as time is seen to be not real. A sense of peace pervades one’s being and one realizes that love is the only answer and other humans are the closest thing to God around, even when they are stuck in delusion.

May you have a day of peace. If you choose love and acceptance over control and domination, your life will change accordingly. It might not change overnight, but love attracts love like a magnet. Our collective magnet has been polarized to control and domination, and so we have a world of control and domination. Even if the world is a bubble of fearful control, separation, and domination, if one polarizes one’s internal magnet to acceptance, love, and joy, a bubble of love will surround you. If you continue creating this bubble of love and acceptance, one day you will be a star, for a star is pure love and light.

But love is fundamental. Fear and control is a setting that can work to provide order, so it appears to be an option. There is divinity in the light AND the dark. A world without shadows has no substance. But we can move towards the darkness or the light. I have seen the darkness. It is lonely and stressful and requires one to constantly manipulate others, so I choose the light. But it is a path, not an end. Darkness dwells within us all here on Earth. And darkness is God as well, so it is deserving of our light and love.

How to graduate to the next level, on Earth or another planet, with joy and ease

To start out this short guide, let me back up and tell you a little about my history. I created ZeroNom in 2016 to try to deal with some difficult thoughts I was having while living in a culture quite opposed to the idea that there are worlds and beings beyond what we can sense or measure. But these kinds of thoughts have been emblematic of my experience since I manifested in a human body as a child, so long, long ago. I love getting older.

I suppose I am what’s called a visionary, an artist, a mystic, or something like that, but I have also been labeled a reject, a drug addict, and a freak. From a young age I’ve dealt with unexplainable experiences and sensitivities. So, ever the daring explorer and sometime chaos machine, I went on a journey of inner and outer possibilities.

I have changed in many ways from the person I was when I started off in search of truth, God, love, peace, etc. What I’ve learned, paradoxically, is that those things are not “found,” they actually manifest when we become comfortable never reaching, never ending, or never finding. Only after accepting my own eternal and infinite nature could I see that there is nowhere to run to and nowhere to escape to, for everything is one and united. In the absence of the madness of craving and seeking, love flowers on the soil of peace. We are only separated from God in concept. Returning to the kingdom of heaven is a self-resurrection of awareness and belief. And it can be accomplished now!

I do think that I am special, in that I have a different vibration than most people I’ve met on this planet. But that does not mean I’m unique or superior. I am an advanced student, but when I graduate from the high school of Earth to the university of whatever’s next, I’ll be on the bottom of again. This is the great cosmic way: growing, dying, growing, dying, growing, dying, growing…

Within the illusion of Earth, the energy here is confused because it has become so condensed into matter. The energy thinks itself to be static and fixed. But everything is energy. Matter is crystallized energy as we all know and accept thanks to Albert Einstein’s theory of relativity. We are walking, talking, vibrating crystals of condensed light. We are in the enormously compacted, larval state of our future butterfly reality.

Anyway, to change the subject just a bit, the end is here. Dun dun dun! I mean, look around, it’s slightly obvious. Earth has changed, and the new order is being established. Many who are first will be last. Many who are last will be first. If you can agree with most of Jesus Christ’s sermon on the mount, you can stay on Earth and live in relative paradise. Commit thyself to the service of the light and love and service. Or commit yourself to the dark path of control and separation. There is power in the dark just as there is in the light, but the dark path requires that one love only oneself above all others to a maniacal degree. If you wish to live in service to the self, but do not commit to absolute self-service, you will be placed on another Earth-like planet to retake this grade. It is not a penalty, there is just a sorting mechanism to the universe which places you in the body and on the planet you need right now.

But regardless of this metaphysical stuff, relax and know that love persists always. When you graduate to the next level, you very well might look back to Earth and miss this place, even with all of its extremes. Learning to love reality no matter where you are is the magic lesson that will get you sorted into an existence with other loving people, on Earth or any other place, in this life or the next. Rejoice and be glad! The light will shine on you regardless of your faith. But you can escape this lower density reality with a commitment to serving the other entities living in it!

What I’ve learned and how I’ve attempted to grow in the light since touching infinity on Solstice 2020

Hello reader(s)! I greet you in the light and love of the infinite creator. I’ve been going through a shift of gears since December of 2020, trying to crystallize new transmissions and experiences in a receptive manner. I suppose it might be Saturn passing through Aquarius that has called me to step back from writing, but regardless I have slowed down my posting quite a bit.

However, personally I have gone through remarkable transformations since solstice of last year. It seems as though I have experienced infinite intelligence and therefore see the world from an inside out perspective. This has troubled me, but I believe that I understand now after much research what has happened.

In my attempts to reach the light, the Creator, the source, I have come to see that there is no such thing as I; there is only the infinity, boundless and unified. Therefore much of my self-oriented behaviors and patterns have come under scrutiny, as they no longer appear as vital or productive as they once seemed. I know also that I’ve had to choose between the light and its infinite Glory and the delusion of separate self, in an actual way not a theoretical way.

I suppose the simple way of saying what has happened is that my personal energetic balance was called into question after experiencing Infinity, so I have had to rebalance and focus heavily on love, openness, sobriety, and simplicity. Through the grace of the infinite light, I have been healed of my delusion created illusionary complexes, like the physical health limitations that I once believed to be incurable. Much of this healing was done in the simple understanding that there are no limitations, so I can go to find whatever healer I need to facilitate balance, be it a doctor, a Naturopath, a chiropractor, or a yoga instructor.

I have spent much time on this blog writing inefficiently and negatively in the past, even when I thought I was being positive. And so my hiatus has allowed me to slow down and analyze my habits, to discard those that are deleterious to my thriving. Also, these negative, self-limiting habits and assumptions have made me a target to nefarious, oppositely oriented entities, who wish to disrupt my light in order to gain the power of dominance over me. I send any beings of negative polarity the love and light of the infinite creator, so that they may see beyond the delusion of separation and ultimately the delusion of polarity. Love and light shine on the light and the dark, so I must drop my shield and replace it with glowing light and prayerful love.

That being said, I have learned from excellent teachers to pull the weeds of resentment and anger from the garden of my soul. Each day is a new challenge, and I pray that the light will watch over me and any of my readers who are seeking to grow in the light.

May you have light, love, wisdom, and infinity, so that you can realize that within each of us is an infinite piece of the light, just as valuable as the totality, and so we are all one. We are only separate in the delusionary game of 3rd density Earth, which is rapidly dying to give birth to the Earth of love, light, and compassion. Be joyful in the dharma, the way, the path, the sangha, the Buddha, the Christ, the prophets, the angels, and the one true God. Acceptance is the way.

Much love and light to you.

My ten-year psychedelic journey up the mountain towards God has finally come to an end, and I’m right back at the bottom where I started

Ten years ago I began using the dissociative drug DXM on a semi-regular basis as a means of controlling my fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. It was helpful in lowering my fatigue and pain level. But soon it started to draw me into a deeper world of my subconscious and unconscious self, challenging my perceptions of what is real and what is possible. I posted on here back in 2017, I believe, about how DXM changed my being.

However, recently, I have received the message that I have “graduated” from that world, and I need to stay on Earth from now on, and leave certain drugs behind, lest I become totally insane. I generally refer to the voice or logos in my head as my conscience. I think that is the closest term that describes what I experience outside of the word daimon or communicator.

Over the last ten years, I have developed a method of psychedelic aided active imagination similar to Carl Jung’s or Rudolf Steiner’s approach, but utilizing dissociative tools like DXM, Ketamine, or high dose THC extract. After years of working with my imagination, I grew to develop relationships with entities and beings in that realm. I developed a language of images, phrases, and songs that allowed me to discern what was being communicated. My conscience would use these repeat phrases or images to communicate some meaning. This technique was also combined with zen meditation, daoist internal alchemy, creative play, divination, group ritual, sigil creation, live performance, and many other techniques of spiritual development.

As an aside, I want to assert that although I tend to refer to the entities I encountered as other than myself, they themselves said they prefer to be called the unconscious rather than God. But this term is interchangeable generally with God or divinity. However, I can accept if they are only within myself OR they are in some sort of collective unconscious that includes other people. I tend towards the latter, but it does not really matter to me. They exist within my consciousness, as all of my experience technically does. I’ve never experienced anything that was not my brain’s representation of something “outside” of myself, so the preference our society displays for “external” or “objective” reality is mostly just bias in my opinion.

So anyway, I have been working with this realm for a decade or so. I developed a new form of energy manipulation whereby I am able to draw energy up from the earth, to propel myself upward. It is difficult to communicate this energetic technique because it is part “real” in that I can feel my body vibrating with energy when I “turn off the jets” so to speak. However, I think that it propels my astral body to a higher plane somehow. All I know is that I have been doing this technique for about 8 years, and from my experience, it seems to have been a key part of my “climbing” the mountain, as I like to put it.

Some part of my journey over the last decade can be described as learning to trust my unconscious/subconscious/dream self. At first, I was roundly terrified of the things that it was telling me. They were so severe and unflinching that I was afraid and tried to run from them. However, I was continually drawn back into this world as if I needed to complete some task. Others have definitely looked at me as if I was partially insane. Just read the comments on the first link I posted lol.

How my bleak life encouraged my spiritual seeking

Part of the explanation for why I was so fixated on the “inner world” was because I was so maligned, alone, and stressed by the bleak nature of my life. Ten years ago, I realized that I was transgender and needed to allow myself to express myself using my natural, expressive, and feminine modes of expression. Finally, I let down after trying to be this male thing that I always felt like I was faking. It was a relief. However, as I found relief, others, including my ex-wife reacted in horror and went to war against me to keep my children from even knowing I exist. They have been successful. Using money and stigma, they destroyed my life and spirit by keeping my beautiful children from me by slandering me as dangerous and “crazy.”

I had to walk alone because rejection jumped out from every corner. I learned to depend on divinity because that was the only reliable thing in my life. And, I was raised in a very religious, evangelical household, and I wanted closure on what to think of Christianity after being so rejected by its modern incarnation. I developed PTSD from the court proceedings and my transition in general. My life spiraled into despair and self-destruction. The suicidal urges that had been with me most of my adult life began to gain more and more prominence in my psyche. I attempted to kill myself multiple times. Eventually, I became homeless and alone, plagued with a really insane chronic disease, rejected by society for coming out as transgender, and totally impoverished with a long absence in my work record. I continued to use DXM because at that point, I had no other means of controlling my chronic fatigue and pain, even though it tipped me into hypomania many times. And I was also trying to escape into that dream world, away from this world of pain and rejection.

I attempted suicide for the last time in January of 2016, but as I neared death, 250 toxic pills in my stomach, slowly shutting down my body, I wrote a suicide note, angrily castigating America and those who had persecuted me. I read the note back to myself, and with death creeping, and the darkness growing, I had an awakening. In a snap, I realized that my suicide note was so childish and angry, and I realized I was not as enlightened or “spiritual” as I thought I was. And I called for an ambulance and recovered after a long hospital stay.

After the hospital, I got into a residential treatment program, in part, because of Obamacare’s Medicaid expansion. And I was able to take four months to get my wits back, stop taking DXM and alcohol, and work on getting a job again. Honestly, when I got into treatment, I “knew” that I was fixed and the suicidal thoughts were gone. I felt a strange new presence in my heart, and I then started to have new abilities related to my active imagination technique. I stopped using DXM for 9 months and meditated daily, studying numerous techniques for consciousness change. I did find work, and I have been working full time ever since. I have also completed a Master’s degree in Mental Health Counseling since then.

Back to the psychonaut part of the story

Eventually, I started to use DXM again, but soon I started to realize that I was becoming allergic to the drug somehow. I don’t know what I’m allergic to or if my body was just like “enough,” but I had to stop using it daily in 2017. However, because I used so many dissociative psychedelics, my relationship with THC changed forever. Now, when I smoked weed, the high became very introverted and psychedelic. I learned that THC dabs were now more psychedelic than DXM or Ketamine. I shifted to using THC as a primary means of active imagining. And I continued to visit that world in search of something. I suppose I was searching for God. And eventually, I found it.

Over the last year, my trips have become extremely positive and also very intense. I have been informed that I have achieved whatever it is I was there to achieve. I regularly encountered deities such as Jupiter, Saturn, Amun, Yahweh/Abba, and more. I was told that when I die, I will not die and will go to their realm. I have seen my future body being created. I was told that I am anointed by God. I was told that my chief deity is the God of Abraham because he is my ancestral deity. I met a personification of this deity in the form of a large, old, middle eastern looking man with a good sense of humor. I REALLY did not think I would come back to my childhood religion in the psychedelic realm, but now I see that it is beautiful because I have learned that He is growing with us, changing, and adapting. He is the same deity of the Christian/Muslim era or the Jewish era, but now he is different. He now says that his wife is coequal to him. They have told me that the trinity is now Father, Mother, and Child. The child being humanity or the individual adept. The “godmother” is a wonderful, warm, nurturing grandmother that brings me to tears when I think about her. I fully understand that these are personifications and simplifications of these deities, but I am unsure if humans can experience any other form of a deity than a simplified version.

A “graduation” or an end to the transition

But meeting these deities happened to be the end of my journey. Just last week, I was told that I was officially “graduated” from that realm and needed to get to work in this earthly realm, building a new way of being. I was almost forcefully kicked off the mountain because I had become attached to that world and was still in some way craving their acknowledgment and abdicating my own responsibility in search of a savior. I see now how I cannot be with them because I have too many attachments in my life. In reality, the life I live now has to have these attachments. Just surviving in modern America with a chronic illness requires so much attention to detail. American and Western lives in general are dominated by attachments to thousands of required systems, constructs, peoples, histories, and rules. I was deeply saddened that I would not be able to long for that world in the same way anymore, but I understand now how I was asking them to do for me what I needed to do for myself. For a while, I was worried that I had made some mistake and was being judged, but these fears were unfounded. They did tell me that individuals can “ascend” to that realm without dying a natural death, but that they needed to be able to fully detach from this world while still being able to support and protect their bodies, which rarely happens, they assured me.

However, right before this “graduation” of sorts, I began a few new medications that are revolutionizing my life, helping me to move beyond being controlled by my disability. Also, in order to progress the final steps of the “mountain” I had to cut ties with some very difficult to sever relationships in my life that had become toxic. They encouraged me to stand up for myself and rebuke the people who had sold me out and abandoned me. They encouraged me to stop using alcohol and nicotine, which I gave up earlier this year. They encouraged me to switch careers to a helping field like counseling. With each last step in the process of that world, I became a fully new person in my “real” life. I can see now that the inner journey I was on was really just trying to get me to fully own my existence, one step at a time. Now, I am a fundamentally different person than I was ten years ago. I am strong, self-confident, creative, feminine, and open. I still have work to do, but I feel whole in body, mind, and soul.

What does it all mean?

Is this inner world real? Do actions there affect the physical world around me? Maybe? I don’t know. I do know that I still have many of the helpers and voices of that world in my consciousness who will often remind me to do things the right way and who will give me encouragement. I also know that when I was told in a final ritual that if I stayed in that world I would go insane, I felt a huge amount of energy come back to me that was “invested” in that world. It was like I was chained to that world somehow, and the chain was unlocked and given back to me. I feel much more grounded and able to move forward. I feel integrated. I am healed and ready to focus on the external, with my foray into the dream world of DXM, Ketamine, DMT, and other substances fading into the past. But my extensive journals and memories will stay with me forever. And I am kind of glad for the madness of it to be over, to be honest.

I have used a THC dab since then, and the voice was kind, but told me “THC makes you way too introverted, and we need you to be extroverted now.” And I understand. I see that now. I see how I was in some part afraid of the external world, so I languished in the ethereal within. Now, I am ready to move forward, peaceful, happy, and grounded. I still have fears, as we all do. But I generally have the courage to move through the fear in spite of its warnings. I am awake in the middle of a pandemic and cold civil war, and I am OK. I trust in myself and my ability to persevere. I am not worried so much about perfection or purity at this point. I think those are outdated spiritual concepts. I experimented and explored. I made many “mistakes,” but I kept going. Committing to this journey was a tremendous investment with very large opportunity costs. I had to spend so much time meditating, researching, tripping, divining, and more. Most of this was solitary but I also worked with groups as well. I see it as a process of restoring my soul.

However, I do not view this as a path for everyone. We all come from a rich ancestral heritage. My heritage is European and Christian, although I don’t call myself a Christian now. But I was raised in this tradition, and I believe that matters. Find your own path. Seek your own higher powers. But I found an end to the psychonaut rainbow, and I feel as though I am an astronaut who has successfully landed back on Earth when this is definitely not guaranteed. Many get lost in space. Many crash down to Earth. If you are not a monk in a monastery or supported by others, you will likely be too attached to spend too long in those exalted states, which is fine. But with psychedelics, there is some bold new path available that I fully believe is the new spiritual paradigm unfolding right now. I did not know where I was going, but due to the loving grace of my unconscious divinity, I am back on terra firma, metaphorically.

Blessings to you on your journey and transition to where you need to be, in the dark world and the light world too.

You are not broken if you compensate for your hard life by using “too much” drugs, sex, alcohol, food, etc.

You’re not broken if the modern world and its inhumane expectations of you makes you want to do the following things to cope:

-Eat junk food to excess
-Drink alcohol to excess
-Exercise to excess
-Smoke weed to excess
-Use drugs to excess
-Have sex/masturbate to excess
-Use social media to excess
-Watch entertainment to excess

The modern world is grinding, boring, and detached. The authorities will try to shame you and get you to believe that you don’t have enough self-control. They’ll show you pictures of people who are not using those things to excess to make you think that not doing those things is “normal.”

But you don’t have to accept this gaslighting. Yes, you need to take responsibility for your body and your decisions. However, imagine if you were a marathon runner and someone told you the following:

“taking those cups of water from people on the side of the race is really just weakness. Here is a person that didn’t have to take those cups of water. Look at him smiling. See how happy and normal he is. You need to work on yourself…”

You would probably call that person insane. Our body has limits, and we need to honor those limits by balancing the needs of our bodies, spirits, and minds over the requirements of the industrial machine we’ve created with the stock market gods telling us how much output is “normal.”

So if you are compensating for the really dark and exhausting world we are living in by using drugs, eating junk food, drinking alcohol, or any other similar behavior, you probably have a good reason for doing so and are not just broken. So honor that part of you that is exhausted, fried, anxious, rejected, alone, sad, etc. by not shaming yourself for the behavior.

The behavior might be because you are being tortured by a crazy world. And it could also be that you are just full-on trying to escape too much from the inescapable pain of life. It’s a balancing act.

Personally, I have a lot of pain, trauma, exhaustion, and overwhelm from my history and my present. But I still had to stop drinking because it was a poor coping mechanism, and I’ve found better coping mechanisms like cannabis, meds, and junk food. Would it be ideal if I could have a perfect diet, no meds, and no recreational drugs? Maybe? But WTF is ideal anyway? Right now, this is what I need, and I’ve practiced harm reduction to make it more manageable.

I have to find that balance daily. I make mistakes. I stay attached to coping behaviors too long because I am afraid I cannot find a better solution. This is a natural reaction when humans feel threatened. I really am not trying to say this is easy, because it is hard and might take years or decades to resolve.

May you find that balance in trying to stay engaged with a world that is really quite dangerous and harmful. And may you have tenderness with yourself and your pain. Love to you all.